Well if you catching somebody using a fork, make sure to call and waste Gainesville PD's time. While you're at it take a video of their response. It would absolutely tickle me to death to hear them tell you off for being a complete idiot and distracting them from catching the real criminals.
I don't know of any southerner that eats fried chicken with a fork. If they live in the south and do so, they're likely not from here and need to go back where they came from.
So someone isn't a real criminal if they break a law you don't like? Last time I looked, that determination is made based on what you think.