A Brief History of Retards in America (Since 1992):
1992: A bunch of retarded proles decided that Bush Sr wasn't conservative enough, so they either didn't vote, or voted for lunatic "George Bush is going to ruin my daughter's wedding" Ross Perot. A southern contingent of rubes decided to vote for BJ Clinton, because he's one of them. These same imbeciles voted for Carter in 1976 for the same idiotic reason. #SouthernPride
1994: Republican Revolution. YAY!!
1995: "They can take our lives, but they can never take - OUR FREEDOM!!" Braveheart released in theatres
1996: Bob Dole not conservative enough. Many more stay home than in 1992, while fewer vote for Perot and his lovely Reform Party this time.
2000: So McCain isn't conservative enough, so, to avoid not showing up in November, compassionate conservative W Bush is nominated, thanks to the worst state in the Union and its aversion to black babies. With a true conservative on the ticket, Online Al is defeated in the Electoral College, amid lots of excitement and Lulz.
2001-2003: The "true conservative" proceeds to fuck shit up.
2004: Thanks to an economic recovery and lots of terrorism (and Kerry being nearly as boring as Online Al), W Bush is re-elected easily.
2005-2007: W Bush back to work, fucking shit up. But at least he's not his father, Bob Dole, or John McCain, those phony conservatives!
2008: In an unwinnable year, phony McCain gets the nomination we probably definitely should have given him in 2000. Dems ensure victory by giving us an unqualified hack who just happens to meet stronger DNC quotas than Hillary (sorry ladies!!).
2009-2015: Obama challenges W Bush for a race to the bottom in terms of terrible foreign policy and big spending. His ability to speak English has largely prevented most Americans at this point from judging him more harshly. In 2010, Republicans take back the House and in 2014 they also capture the Senate, largely due to reaction to Obama's quaint little policies like ACA.
2012: Republicans nominate phony conservative (and friggin' heretic Mormon!) Romney, who can now be nominee after losing to phony conservative McCain in 2008. He is blamed for creating federalism/Constitutional ObamaCare in Massachusetts (and the Big Dig!). As in 1992, 1996, and 2008, many proles stay home. I mean, they GAVE US CONGRESS TWO YEARS AGO AND IT WON'T SHUT OBAMA DOWN!!
2016: In a nice twist on things, the same people who have been bitching about the GOP nominating phony conservatives since 1992 (or 1988?) decide to rally behind Donald J. Trump, because he's NOT CONSERVATIVE AT ALL!! This is basically nominate the "compassionate conservative" 2.0, except this time it will work and take DC and the mega EsTaBliShMeNt by storm! Trump launches a populist revolution and repudiates the history of the GOP since 1964 (except Reagan). He hilariously repudiates W Bush (WHO WAS MORE CONSERVATIVE THAN MCCAIN!!). #NeverTrump folk such as myself are denounced when we complain that Trump isn't conservative enough. WHAT THE FUCK THREEDEE?!!? DO YOU EXPECT ALL OF YOUR CANDIDATES TO BE PERFECT? IDEOLOGICAL PURITY TESTS WILL GIVE HILLARY THE WHITE HOUSE! DO YOU WANT CROOKED HILLARY TO BE YOUR PRESIDENT?!!? (Thanks, guys, for being so diplomatic all these years, and not helping to get BJ Clinton, W Bush, and Obama elected president - MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!)