Why Does A Northeastern Yankee like Myself Hold Such A Strong Bond With The South?

THE BALLET FOR TROUT FISHING IN AMERICA


How the Cobra Lily traps insects is a ballet for Trout Fishing
in America, a ballet to be performed at the University of
California at Los Angeles.

The plant is beside me here on the back porch.
It died a few days after I bought it at Woolworth's. That
was months ago, during the presidential election of nineteen
hundred and sixty.

I buried the plant in an empty Metrecal can.

The side of the can says, "Metrecal Dietary for Weight
Control, " and below that reads, "Ingredients: Non-fat milk
solids, soya flour, whole milk solids, sucrose, starch, corn
oil, coconut oil, yeast, imitation vanilla, " but the can's only
a graveyard now for a Cobra Lily that has turned dry and
brown and has black freckles.

As a kind of funeral wreath, there is a red, white and
blue button sticking in the plant and the words on it say, "I'm
for Nixon."

The main energy for the ballet comes from a description
of the Cobra Lily. The description could be used as a welcome
mat on the front porch of hell or to conduct an orchestra
of mortuaries with ice-cold woodwinds or be an atomic
mailman in the pines, in the pines where the sun never shines.

"Nature has endowed the Cobra Lily with the means of
catching its own food. The forked tongue is covered with
honey glands which attract the insects upon which it feeds.
Once inside the hood, downward pointing hairs prevent the
insect from crawling out. The digestive liquids are found in
the base of the plant.

"The supposition that it is necessary to feed the Cobra
Lily a piece of hamburger or an insect daily is erroneous. "

I hope the dancers do a good job of it, they hold our
imagination in there feet, dancing in Los Angles for Trout
Fishing in America.
 
A WALDEN POND FOR WINOS


The autumn carried along with it, like the roller coaster of
a flesh-eating plant, port wine and the people who drank that
dark sweet wine, people long since gone, except for me.

Always wary of the police, we drank in the safest place
we could find, the park across from the church.

There were three poplar trees in the middle of the park
and there was a statue of Benjamin Franklin in front of the
trees. We sat there and drank port.

At home my wife was pregnant.

I would call on the telephone after I finished work and say,
"I won't be home for a little while. I'm going to have a drink
with some friends. "

The three of us huddled in the park, talking. They were
both broken-down artists from New Orleans where they had
drawn pictures of tourists in Pirate's Alley.

Now in San Francisco, with the cold autumn wind upon
them, they had decided that the future held only two directions:
They were either going to open up a flea circus or commit
themselves to an insane asylum.

So they talked about it while they drank wine.

They talked about how to make little clothes for fleas by
pasting pieces of colored paper on their backs.

They said the way that you trained fleas was to make them
dependent upon you for their food. This was done by letting them
feed off you at an appointed hour.

They talked about making little flea wheelbarrows and
pool tables and bicycles.

They would charge fifty-cents admission for their flea circus.
The business was certain to have a future to it. Perhaps they
would even get on the Ed Sullivan Show.

They of course did not have their fleas yet, but they could
easily be obtained from a white cat.

Then they decided that the fleas that lived on Siamese
Cats would probably be more intelligent than the fleas that
lived on just ordinary alley cats. It only made sense that
drinking intelligent blood would make intelligent fleas.

And so it went on until it was exhausted and we went and
bought another fifth of port wine and returned to the trees
and Benjamin Franklin.

Now it was close to sunset and the earth was beginning to
cool off in the correct manner of eternity and office girls
were returning like penguins from Montgomery Street. They
looked at us hurriedly and mentally registered: winos.

Then the two artists talked about committing themselves
to an insane asylum for the winter. They talked about how
warm it would be in the insane asylum, with television, clean
sheets on soft beds, hamburger gravy over mashed potatoes,
a dance once a week with the lady kooks, clean clothes a
locked razor and lovely young student nurses.

Ah, yes, there was a future in the insane asylum. No
winter spent there could be a total loss.
 
And your mother (since we are now getting personal and including family members) stuck you in front of a computer and told it to learn you manners while she watched Oprah when she wasn't slinging her big fat ass around the mall and she also kept preaching to you that you were the most important little guy who was ever pro created and your communist professors at university picked up where she left off while your father .. if you have a father was chasing golf balls around the links.

So that's the basic difference between you .. a pathetic mutation of American male perversion who's completely in love with yourself and myself .. a proud Scots Irish patriot.
There was no Oprah when I was a kid. There wasn't even cable for a goodly portion of my childhood. My mom's ass has only gotten fat in the last decade or so. She wasn't shopping in malls, both she and my father were busy getting Ph.D's in psychology. Dad worked 70 hours a week and never even owned golf clubs

 
Actually, when it comes to birth defects and such, 2d cousin is okay. First cousin but only if'n she's really hot.

You are evil .. whoever you are .. you disgrace.

You're nothing but a pathetic keyboard pushing little twerp who's a through and through sissy.

You're no-good to yourself or anybody else. An oxygen wasting little commie with a stretch latex belief system of moral degradation.
 
TOM MARTIN CREEK

I walked down one morning from Steelhead, following the
Klamath River that was high and murky and had the intelligence
of a dinosaur. Tom Martin Creek was a small creek with cold,
clear water and poured out of a canyon and through a culvert
under the highway and then into the Klamath.

I dropped a fly in a small pool just below where the creek
flowed out of the culvert and took a nine-inch trout. It was
a good-looking fish and fought all over the top of the pool.
Even though the creek was very small and poured out of a
steep brushy canyon filled with poison oak, I decided to
follow the creek up a ways because I liked the feel and
motion of the creek.

I liked the name, too.

Tom Martin Creek.

It's good to name creeks after people and then later to
follow them for a while seeing what they have to offer, what
they know and have made of themselves.

But that creek turned out to be a real son-of-a-bitch. I
had to fight it all the God-damn way: brush, poison oak and
hardly any good places to fish, and sometimes the canyon
was so narrow the creek poured out like water from a faucet.
Sometimes it was so bad that it just left me standing there,
not knowing which way to jump.

You had to be a plumber to fish that creek.

After that first trout I was alone in there. But I didn't
know it until later.
 
Only got thru two pages of this thread, which were too many as it was.

But I learned that Philly Rabbit is an idiot and I shouldn't read threads started by him. So guess that's something.
 
There was no Oprah when I was a kid. There wasn't even cable for a goodly portion of my childhood. My mom's ass has only gotten fat in the last decade or so. She wasn't shopping in malls, both she and my father were busy getting Ph.D's in psychology. Dad worked 70 hours a week and never even owned golf clubs


You go to Hell with your your family story .. you little bitch / punk.

And stick your videos.

It wouldn't surprise me if you were a female either.

You go after my family members, i'll go after yours .. you low class slimy degenerate.

You're a mistake .. you shouldn't be here .. please comply and don't miss .. stick the barrel right in your mouth then squeeze the trigger.

Thanks for cooperating scumbag.
 
TROUT FISHING ON THE BEVEL


The two graveyards were next to each other on small hills
and between them flowed Graveyard Creek, a slow-moving,
funeral-procession-on-a-hot-day creek with a lot of fine
trout in it.

And the dead didn't mind me fishing there at all.

One graveyard had tall fir trees growing in it, and the
grass was kept Peter Pan green all year round by pumping
water up from the creek, and the graveyard had fine marble
headstones and statues and tombs.

The other graveyard was for the poor and it had no trees
and the grass turned a flat-tire brown in the summer and
stayed that way until the rain, like a mechanic, began in the
late autumn.

There were no fancy headstones for the poor dead. Their
markers were small boards that looked like heels of stale bread:


Devoted Slob Father Of



Beloved Worked-to-Death Mother Of


On some of the graves were fruit jars and tin cans
with wilted flowers in them:

Sacred
To the Memory
of John Talbot
Who at the Age of Eighteen
Had His Ass Shot Off In a Honky-Tonk
November 1, 1936


This Mayonnaise Jar
With Wilted Flowers In It
Was Left Here Six Months Ago By His Sister
Who Is In

The Crazy Place Now.


Eventually the seasons would take care of their wooden
names like a sleepy short-order cook cracking eggs over a
grill next to a railroad station. Whereas the well-to-do
would have their names for a long time written on marble
hers d'oeuvres like horses trotting up the fancy paths to the sky.

I fished Graveyard Creek in the dusk when the hatch was on
and worked some good trout out of there. Only the poverty of
the dead bothered me.

Once, while cleaning the trout before I went home in the almost
night, I had a vision of going over to the poor graveyard and
gathering up grass and fruit jars and tin cans and markers and
wilted flowers and bugs and weeds and clods and going home
and putting a hook in the vise and tying a fly with all that stuff
and then going outside and casting it up into the sky, watching it
float over clouds and then into the evening star.
 
You go to Hell with your your family story .. you little bitch / punk.

And stick your videos.

It wouldn't surprise me if you were a female either.

You go after my family members, i'll go after yours .. you low class slimy degenerate.

You're a mistake .. you shouldn't be here .. please comply and don't miss .. stick the barrel right in your mouth then squeeze the trigger.

Thanks for cooperating scumbag.

Was it something I said?
 
Only got thru two pages of this thread, which were too many as it was.

But I learned that Philly Rabbit is an idiot and I shouldn't read threads started by him. So guess that's something.

What's idiotic about this thread?

I offered an interesting question about myself and a group of perverted south haters personally attacked me and you had to come on and kiss their asses I suppose because you're one of them too .. is all.
 
You go to Hell with your your family story .. you little bitch / punk.

And stick your videos.

It wouldn't surprise me if you were a female either.

You go after my family members, i'll go after yours .. you low class slimy degenerate.

You're a mistake .. you shouldn't be here .. please comply and don't miss .. stick the barrel right in your mouth then squeeze the trigger.

Thanks for cooperating scumbag.

You can ask around. Many of the women on this site will confirm that I am a man. They'll tell you I am either a pretty strong supporter of women's rights OR that I am a misogynistic asshole. Sorta depends on the day.
 
Was it something I said?

Ahh you're a smart ass eh?

You keep your G dammed smearing remarks about my immediate family members out of my face .. you little bastard .. I don't care if you are an administrator here.

I didn't want a pizzing contest on this thread to begin with but you'd had better shelve the family member insults.

You smart assed little bitch .. you can say what you want about me but keep your lowlife remarks about family to yourself.
 
SEA, SEA RIDER


The man who owned the bookstore was not magic. He was not a
three-legged crow on the dandelion side of the mountain.
He was, of course, a Jew, a retired merchant seaman
who had been torpedoed in the North Atlantic and floated
there day after day until death did not want him. He had a
young wife, a heart attack, a Volkswagen and a home in
Marin County. He liked the works of George Orwell, Richard
Aldington and Edmund Wilson.

He learned about life at sixteen, first from Dostoevsky
and then from the whores of New Orleans.

The bookstore was a parking lot for used graveyards.
Thousands of graveyards were parked in rows like cars.
Most of the kooks were out of print, and no one wanted to
read them any more and the people who had read the books
had died or forgotten about them, but through the organic
process of music the books had become virgins again. They
wore their ancient copyrights like new maidenheads.

I went to the bookstore in the afternoons after I got off
work, during that terrible year of 1959.

He had a kitchen in the back of the store and he brewed
cups of thick Turkish coffee in a copper pan. I drank coffee
and read old books and waited for the year to end. He had a
small room above the kitchen.

It looked down on the bookstore and had Chinese screens
in front of it. The room contained a couch, a glass cabinet
with Chinese things in it and a table and three chairs. There
was a tiny bathroom fastened like a watch fob to the room.

I was sitting on a stool in the bookstore one afternoon
reading a book that was in the shape of a chalice. The book
had clear pages like gin, and the first page in the book read:


Billy
the Kid
born
November 23,
1859
in
New York
City


The owner of the bookstore came up to me, and put his
arm on my shoulder and said, "Would you like to get laid?"
His voice was very kind.

"No, " I said.

"You're wrong, " he said, and then without saying anything
else, he went out in front of the bookstore, and stopped a pair
of total strangers, a man and a woman. He talked to them for
a few moments. I couldn't hear what he was saying. He pointed
at me in the bookstore. The woman nodded her head and
then the man nodded his head.

They came into the bookstore.

I was embarrassed. I could not leave the bookstore because
they were entering by the only door, so I decided to go
upstairs and go to the toilet. I got up abruptly and walked
to the back of the bookstore and went upstairs to the bathroom,
and they followed after me. I could hear them on the stairs.

I waited for a long time in the bathroom and they waited
an equally long time in the other room. They never spoke.
When I came out of the bathroom, the woman was lying naked
on the couch, and the man was sitting in a chair with his
hat on his lap.

"Don't worry about him, " the girl said. "These things
make no difference to him. He's rich. He has 3, 859 Rolls
Royces." The girl was very pretty and her body was like a
clear mountain river of skin and muscle flowing over rocks
of bone and hidden nerves.

"Come to me, " she said. "And come inside me for we are
Aquarius and I love you."

I looked at the man sitting in the chair. He was not smiling
and he did not look sad.

I took off my shoes and all my clothes. The man did not
say a word.

The girl's body moved ever so slightly from side to side.

There was nothing else I could do for my body was like
birds sitting on a telephone wire strung out down the world,
clouds tossing the wires carefully.

I laid the girl.

It was like the eternal 59th second when it becomes a minute
and then looks kind of sheepish.

"Good, " the girl said, and kissed me on the face.

The man sat there without speaking or moving or sending
out any emotion into the room. I guess he was rich and owned
3, 859 Rolls Royces.

Afterwards the girl got dressed and she and the man left.
They walked down the stairs and on their way out, I heard
him say his first words.

"Would you like to go to Emie's for dinner?"

"I don't know, " the girl said. "It's a little early to think
about dinner. "

Then I heard the door close and they were gone. I got
dressed and went downstairs. The flesh about my body felt
soft and relaxed like an experiment in functional background
music.

The owner of the bookstore was sitting at his desk behind
the counter. "I'11 tell you what happened up there, " he said,
in a beautiful anti-three-legged-crow voice, in an anti-dandelion
side of the mountain voice.

"What?"I said.

"You fought in the Spanish Civil War. You were a young
Communist from Cleveland, Ohio. She was a painter. A New
York Jew who was sightseeing in the Spanish Civil War as if
it were the Mardi Gras in New Orleans being acted out by
Greek statues.

"She was drawing a picture of a dead anarchist when you
met her. She asked you to stand beside the anarchist and act
as if you had killed him. You slapped her across the face
and said something that would be embarrassing for me to
repeat.

You both fell very much in love.

"Once while you were at the front she read Anatomy of
Melancholy and did 349 drawings of a lemon.

"Your love for each other was mostly spiritual.Neither
one of you performed like millionaires in bed.

"When Barcelona fell, you and she flew to England, and
then took a ship back to New York. Your love for each other
remained in Spain. It was only a war love. You loved only
yourselves, loving each other in Spain during the war. On
the Atlantic you were different toward each other and became
every day more and more like people lost from each other.

"Every wave on the Atlantic was like a dead seagull dragging
its driftwood artillery from horizon to horizon.

"When the ship bumped up against America, you departed
without saying anything and never saw each other again. The
last I heard of you, you were still living in Philadelphia. "

"That's what you think happened up there?" I said.

"Partly, " he said. "Yes, that's part of it. "

He took out his pipe and filled it with tobacco and lit it.
"Do you want me to tell you what else happened up there?"
he said.

"Go ahead."

"You crossed the border into Mexico, " he said. "You
rode your horse into a small town. The people knew who
you were and they were afraid of you. They knew you had
killed many men with that gun you wore at your side. The
town itself was so small that it didn't have a priest.

"When the rurales saw you, they left the town. Tough as
they were, they did not want to have anything to do with you.

The rurales left.

You became the most powerful man in town.

You were seduced by a thirteen-year-old girl, and you
and she lived together in an adobe hut, and practically all
you did was make love.

"She was slender and had long dark hair. You made love
standing, sitting, lying on the dirt floor with pigs and chickens
around you. The walls, the floor and even the roof of the
hut were coated with your sperm and her come.

"You slept on the floor at night and used your sperm for
a pillow and her come for a blanket.

"The people in the town were so afraid of you that they
could do nothing.

"After a while she started going around town without any
clothes on, and the people of the town said that it was not a
good thing, and when you started going around without any
clothes, and when both of you began making love on the back
of your horse in the middle of the zocalo, the people of the
town became so afraid that they abandoned the town. It's
been abandoned ever since. "People won't live there.

"Neither of you lived to be twenty-one. It was not necessary.

"See, I do know what happened upstairs, " he said. He
smiled at me kindly. His eyes were like the shoelaces of a
harpsichord.

I thought about what happened upstairs.

"You know what I say is the truth, " he said. "For you
saw it with your own eyes and traveled it with your own body.
Finish the book you were reading before you were interrupted.
I'm glad you got laid. "

Once resumed the pages of the book began to speed up
and turn faster and faster until they were spinning like wheels
in the sea.
 
You can ask around. Many of the women on this site will confirm that I am a man. They'll tell you I am either a pretty strong supporter of women's rights OR that I am a misogynistic asshole. Sorta depends on the day.

You go to hell .. you filthy degenerate .. you're no man.

And you better lay off family also because some day, you might get lucky and hit the lottery and meet me.
 
Ahh you're a smart ass eh?

You keep your G dammed smearing remarks about my immediate family members out of my face .. you little bastard .. I don't care if you are an administrator here.

I didn't want a pizzing contest on this thread to begin with but you'd had better shelve the family member insults.

You smart assed little bitch .. you can say what you want about me but keep your lowlife remarks about family to yourself.
Meh, Yer from Philly, chances are your family, also being from Philly AND being Scottish, won't be able to read what I said about them, or if someone reads it to them SLOWLY, they won't comprehend what was said.
 
Meh, Yer from Philly, chances are your family, also being from Philly AND being Scottish, won't be able to read what I said about them, or if someone reads it to them SLOWLY, they won't comprehend what was said.

You said it to me .. administrator lowlife bastard.

Who in the Hell do you think you're talking to?
 
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