Nobody does snark as well as Pittsburgh's own Tony Norman. 
"James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family and an evangelical leader who wields enormous influence with Christian conservatives, recently told a Pennsylvania pastor that Donald J. Trump, the presumptive Republican presidential candidate, had recently come to “accept a relationship with Christ.” Mr. Dobson’s intel about Mr. Trump’s spiritual life was secondhand, but he felt confident enough in its veracity to refer to Mr. Trump as a “baby Christian.”
Because Mr. Trump’s antics during this presidential season would be considered over-the-top in both Sodom and Gomorrah, much mockery ensued at the thought of the most libertine of billionaires bending a knee before any spiritual entity not named Mammon ...
Trump: “My whole life I’ve kept all the commandments that were convenient, Lord. Could I have done even better? Maybe, but I’ve always been a very strong Presbyterian, and a very good Protestant. What else would someone like me who essentially already has his spiritual act together have to do to inherit the Kingdom of God and all of the tax breaks that come with it?”
Christ: “There are many things you lack, my son, but let’s start with the obvious. If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Trump: “With all due respect, Lord, that makes no damn sense. Why do I have to come to you? Besides, what you’re asking me to do sounds a lot like socialism, which is very sad. Are you really asking me to violate my conscience by redistributing my wealth arbitrarily? You must be taking advice from that failed tax collector Matthew, again. Sad! Don’t you know he’s a loser? Don’t ever trust anything Matthew has to say about divestiture law.”
Christ [slightly aghast]: “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”
Trump: “Don’t you worry about my heart, OK? I happen to have an excellent heart! One of the best hearts that has ever pumped everyone tells me. The ventricles are very long and perfect. If it ever stops beating, it will probably be a little not fair. You, on the other hand, are obviously overrated now that I’ve gotten a look at you. That’s sad because you had such potential.”
(Continued)
http://www.post-gazette.com/opinion...Trump-Apocryphal-at-best/stories/201607010123
"James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family and an evangelical leader who wields enormous influence with Christian conservatives, recently told a Pennsylvania pastor that Donald J. Trump, the presumptive Republican presidential candidate, had recently come to “accept a relationship with Christ.” Mr. Dobson’s intel about Mr. Trump’s spiritual life was secondhand, but he felt confident enough in its veracity to refer to Mr. Trump as a “baby Christian.”
Because Mr. Trump’s antics during this presidential season would be considered over-the-top in both Sodom and Gomorrah, much mockery ensued at the thought of the most libertine of billionaires bending a knee before any spiritual entity not named Mammon ...
Trump: “My whole life I’ve kept all the commandments that were convenient, Lord. Could I have done even better? Maybe, but I’ve always been a very strong Presbyterian, and a very good Protestant. What else would someone like me who essentially already has his spiritual act together have to do to inherit the Kingdom of God and all of the tax breaks that come with it?”
Christ: “There are many things you lack, my son, but let’s start with the obvious. If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Trump: “With all due respect, Lord, that makes no damn sense. Why do I have to come to you? Besides, what you’re asking me to do sounds a lot like socialism, which is very sad. Are you really asking me to violate my conscience by redistributing my wealth arbitrarily? You must be taking advice from that failed tax collector Matthew, again. Sad! Don’t you know he’s a loser? Don’t ever trust anything Matthew has to say about divestiture law.”
Christ [slightly aghast]: “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”
Trump: “Don’t you worry about my heart, OK? I happen to have an excellent heart! One of the best hearts that has ever pumped everyone tells me. The ventricles are very long and perfect. If it ever stops beating, it will probably be a little not fair. You, on the other hand, are obviously overrated now that I’ve gotten a look at you. That’s sad because you had such potential.”
(Continued)
http://www.post-gazette.com/opinion...Trump-Apocryphal-at-best/stories/201607010123
