3. The Shit Hits the Pants Ted Nugent likes the U.S. military. As is well-known, he likes guns a lot, and judging by his USO tours, he likes soldiers, too (even some of the brownish ones, probably). So it's no surprise that ol' Ted passionately advocates for their usage in violently exterminating all of America's enemies, real and imagined, the world over. He just ain't about to join them, even if he has to piss and shit in his pants for a fucking week to get out of it.
Nah, seriously. In 1977, the Nuge told High Times that he shat his pants on the daily in order to fail his physical and dodge the draft during the Vietnam War. And to hear him tell it, it was pretty ugly:
Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer -- stuff I never touched-- buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I'd drink the syrup. I was this side of death. Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. Poop, piss, the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.
Hey, it wasn't like Ted was the only guy who got creative in order to stay out of Vietnam. We won't judge him too harshly for that. And Reagan knows, he could just be lying about the whole thing! But given the hypocritical light this little incident casts on his super-patriot warhawk persona, his pants may as well be full of shit today.
