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To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (in Savannah )
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening,
and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me
that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a
shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes,
cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling
your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave
your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a
dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the
line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't know what's going on with that.
I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make
some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did
this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you.
I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.
I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand
did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for
not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm
hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you
might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do
lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening,
and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me
that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a
shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes,
cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling
your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave
your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a
dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the
line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't know what's going on with that.
I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make
some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did
this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you.
I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.
I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand
did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for
not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm
hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you
might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do
lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex
