Alexandra Petri is the best satirist currently in the MSP. This is her column today.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/04/14/fifth-circuit-abortion-ruling-rights-canceled/
"Oh, good. I was just thinking: I have too many rights. We’ve got to cull, cull, cull! Do I really need to be voting and controlling my own body? That feels like much too much. Also, it’s spring! What better time to go through all the rights and see which ones spark joy (access to assault weapons) and which ones don’t (uncensored proximity to books, bodily autonomy). Just like they’re doing in Florida! Constitution? Please! If we were all meant to be covered by it, we would have been explicitly included!
Isn’t all this rights nonsense getting in the way of more important things, like the ability of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit to consider exciting hypotheticals not borne out by science: What if a drug that has been proven safe for decades … weren’t? Plus, millions of Americans have been given the gift of learning the name Matthew J. Kacsmaryk, most often used in the sentence, “Wait, Judge Kacsmaryk can undo the FDA approval of a drug used safely by millions for 20-plus years just … because?” It was good that the 5th Circuit did not need to think about the people most impacted by the decision to overturn Food and Drug Administration approval. After all, we’re not really people! If we were supposed to be people, we wouldn’t have uteruses."...
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/04/14/fifth-circuit-abortion-ruling-rights-canceled/
"Oh, good. I was just thinking: I have too many rights. We’ve got to cull, cull, cull! Do I really need to be voting and controlling my own body? That feels like much too much. Also, it’s spring! What better time to go through all the rights and see which ones spark joy (access to assault weapons) and which ones don’t (uncensored proximity to books, bodily autonomy). Just like they’re doing in Florida! Constitution? Please! If we were all meant to be covered by it, we would have been explicitly included!
Isn’t all this rights nonsense getting in the way of more important things, like the ability of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit to consider exciting hypotheticals not borne out by science: What if a drug that has been proven safe for decades … weren’t? Plus, millions of Americans have been given the gift of learning the name Matthew J. Kacsmaryk, most often used in the sentence, “Wait, Judge Kacsmaryk can undo the FDA approval of a drug used safely by millions for 20-plus years just … because?” It was good that the 5th Circuit did not need to think about the people most impacted by the decision to overturn Food and Drug Administration approval. After all, we’re not really people! If we were supposed to be people, we wouldn’t have uteruses."...