I don't need to (although I do), I have a good woman who is a fantastic baker and cook. You wouldn't understand.
You might have tricked some fat cow into marrying you. Maybe she was desperate. Or poor. Or pregnant. She surely is busted as a manatee. What I gather from your post, though, is that you found some skank to bake you bread because you don't know how. And you still eat store-bought Wonder Bread anyway.