Because I
love an Excuse to post this
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
(think about it and you'll get it)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Fire escapes were invented to protect fire from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck likes his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns.
They're making a sequel to 300 starring Chuck Norris. Its called 1
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
