I understand your unwillingness to discuss this profoundly personal issue on an open forum, FRight.
The unreinforced superstitions and the magic you once felt was powerful, is nowhere to be found in real life, is it...
You were taught as a child to believe the magic, but the harsh slap of reality has left you empty and disappointed.
You just need to pretend to pray harder to petition and fool your sky daddy into granting you immunity from mortality.
Self interested prayer is the best defense you have against common sense...
You can do it...
I have "faith" in you...