MAGA MAN
Let's go Brandon!
He's my buddy Joe who I have known for almost 20 years. He's one of these guys who has been committing slow suicide since his mid 20's, and now he's 62, looks like he's 82 with 92 year old skin. All of his health problems have been self-inflicted: drugs, cigarettes.
He was recommended by a neighbor to do painting and house repairs that I don't have time for. He's was pretty good and fair about prices. We became friends and I don't harp on his smoking problem, but I told him long ago that the only thing keeping him from having a long healthy life was that stubborn piece of squash between his ears. I've hired him many times over the years. In fact he insulated, drywalled, sided, trimmed out, painted and stained my mountain cabin.
About four years ago he had a clot in his lung, and the only doctor who could perform the operation was in California. So he flew out, and the doctor made him promise to quit smoking 'otherwise I'd be wasting my time'. Joe promised, then had the operation. The way he described it, they had him in a coma for a half day, split his chest wide open, pulled out his lungs and extracted about 5 pounds worth of crud. He recovered wonderfully. A year later I caught him smoking. "Why don't you just borrow my Glock and shoot yourself in the head? It's a lot faster than the butt hanging out of your mouth."
Last year he redid one on the bathrooms here and did a terrible job. He had two guys on his crew and they didn't give a shit about quality work. Dumb as bags of rocks too. It really looks terrible when you look closely, which I do.
Against my better judgement I hired him to sand out and paint three exterior doors here (along with other minor exterior repairs). I just replaced the old pitted door hardware with beautiful oil rubbed bronze not long ago and I gave him two requirements.
1. No helpers. I've had his lackeys do too much damage to my house and landscaping over the years. Scratched windows. Broken branches. Trails through my ivy. Washing paint buckets out on my freshly sown lawn. Paint drips, basically everywhere. Scratched fiberglass tubs. My wife and I have a saying for it: "Joe it up" means you got dried glue, paint and drywall dust everywhere.
2. Remove the hardware prior to the work. I don't want so much as a molecule of paint on my new matching hardware (About $500 worth).
I asked him politely and even said please, along with a lengthy explanation of why, along with reminding him that I was paying him by the hour, not by the square foot. I've had tons of patience with the guy over many years with his shortcomings.
Today was his third day on the job. He arrived with a helper. I got on him right away about that. "WTF Joe? " "Oh, I'm behind schedule and I need someone to help."
Three hours later he told me that he had put the first coat of varnish on the front door and even took the step to mask the edges of my hardware. My response was "you are out of here".
"What- I didn't get any varnish on the hardware". I went up to inspect, and sure enough, drips on the hardware. I got some WD-40 and a paper towel and scrubbed it off. Then I took the tape off and inspected the edges. He didn't even varnish up to the edges. Only the lower part of the door needed two coats, so he just touched up the areas to do a complete pass on coat two.
I told him that he has one more, final chance.
He was recommended by a neighbor to do painting and house repairs that I don't have time for. He's was pretty good and fair about prices. We became friends and I don't harp on his smoking problem, but I told him long ago that the only thing keeping him from having a long healthy life was that stubborn piece of squash between his ears. I've hired him many times over the years. In fact he insulated, drywalled, sided, trimmed out, painted and stained my mountain cabin.
About four years ago he had a clot in his lung, and the only doctor who could perform the operation was in California. So he flew out, and the doctor made him promise to quit smoking 'otherwise I'd be wasting my time'. Joe promised, then had the operation. The way he described it, they had him in a coma for a half day, split his chest wide open, pulled out his lungs and extracted about 5 pounds worth of crud. He recovered wonderfully. A year later I caught him smoking. "Why don't you just borrow my Glock and shoot yourself in the head? It's a lot faster than the butt hanging out of your mouth."
Last year he redid one on the bathrooms here and did a terrible job. He had two guys on his crew and they didn't give a shit about quality work. Dumb as bags of rocks too. It really looks terrible when you look closely, which I do.
Against my better judgement I hired him to sand out and paint three exterior doors here (along with other minor exterior repairs). I just replaced the old pitted door hardware with beautiful oil rubbed bronze not long ago and I gave him two requirements.
1. No helpers. I've had his lackeys do too much damage to my house and landscaping over the years. Scratched windows. Broken branches. Trails through my ivy. Washing paint buckets out on my freshly sown lawn. Paint drips, basically everywhere. Scratched fiberglass tubs. My wife and I have a saying for it: "Joe it up" means you got dried glue, paint and drywall dust everywhere.
2. Remove the hardware prior to the work. I don't want so much as a molecule of paint on my new matching hardware (About $500 worth).
I asked him politely and even said please, along with a lengthy explanation of why, along with reminding him that I was paying him by the hour, not by the square foot. I've had tons of patience with the guy over many years with his shortcomings.
Today was his third day on the job. He arrived with a helper. I got on him right away about that. "WTF Joe? " "Oh, I'm behind schedule and I need someone to help."
Three hours later he told me that he had put the first coat of varnish on the front door and even took the step to mask the edges of my hardware. My response was "you are out of here".
"What- I didn't get any varnish on the hardware". I went up to inspect, and sure enough, drips on the hardware. I got some WD-40 and a paper towel and scrubbed it off. Then I took the tape off and inspected the edges. He didn't even varnish up to the edges. Only the lower part of the door needed two coats, so he just touched up the areas to do a complete pass on coat two.
I told him that he has one more, final chance.