So, at 3:30 AM MST this morning, I was awoken (awaken?) well one of those things, by one of my livestock guardian dogs barking at my front door, we never use this door but it opens on a "nearby", probably 3 blocks from the door, road but doesn't face the driveway which does have a garage that is near to the back door... this is the door we normally use. Anyway I'm digressing.... The dog, he's at the front door that he for some reason thinks is "his" door and sits on that porch barking any time he gets out.
So, I pee, put some clothes on, and open the door to be greeted by 159 pounds of floof that instantly begins to rearrange all the rugs in the house in his excitement to see me so tiredly and angrily greeting him at my front door at 3:30 AM... When, as he passes, I notice that he's met some new friends, well at least one of them, and his new pal is a skunk... Now I have a raging 159 pound tornado rearranging rugs and smelling up every room he can get to in my house. Slightly in a panic, I grab him by the scruff of the neck, rush him outside, and stuff him back into the field where he belongs, promising myself I'd find out how he got out when it got light out...
I go back in, wash my hands with Dawn Power Wash (it works to get rid of skunk on your hands).. I go back to bed, take a good 30 minutes to fall back to sleep while listening to some guy talk about non human intelligences and how we are going to find them on a repeat of the first hour of Coast to Coast AM... I drift off... and suddenly, I am awakened again by the dog barking at my front door...
Now, I'm mystified... How is this idiot dog getting out? Why does he only go to the door we never use? Will he spread more essence of skunk through the house or can I contain him some other way? I carefully open the door and slip out, grab him by the scruff again and take him to the side yard, where we have the pool, etc. and put him there so I can go back to bed.
Once again after washing my hands I am listening to the same repeated first hour of Coast to Coast AM about Non Human Intelligences and where to find them... (sounds like a Harry Potter book) and entirely fail to fall back to sleep. So I get up, play on my phone a bit and wait for daylight.
Daylight finally arrives at 6:30 AM, so I go out to do morning chores and put the nose damaging floof tornado back where he belongs... I get out there, put him on his post (each livestock guardian dog has a post I hook them to with a lead for feeding, so we don't get resource guarding fights between the dogs), and turn around to get the other dogs and notice the other gate to the pasture, the one we rarely use but I had opened yesterday, is standing wide open, all the other dogs and the goats appear to be staring at it in confusion. They stayed where they belonged all night, only the floof with the stench attached visited my front door...
My entire herd of untrained, but somehow responsible, livestock stood there like, “Well this gate is open… but we’re not leaving. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.” Meanwhile, Sir Stinks-a-Lot McFreedomPants took one look at the open gate and went, “Excellent. Time to complete my nightly rounds, acquire new cologne, and wake the hooman at his sacred front portal to report for duty.”
He clocked in for the night shift, found a chemical weapon, weaponized himself with it, and then reported directly to headquarters (my front door) not once, but twice, because clearly I was not getting the message.
So, how was your morning?
So, I pee, put some clothes on, and open the door to be greeted by 159 pounds of floof that instantly begins to rearrange all the rugs in the house in his excitement to see me so tiredly and angrily greeting him at my front door at 3:30 AM... When, as he passes, I notice that he's met some new friends, well at least one of them, and his new pal is a skunk... Now I have a raging 159 pound tornado rearranging rugs and smelling up every room he can get to in my house. Slightly in a panic, I grab him by the scruff of the neck, rush him outside, and stuff him back into the field where he belongs, promising myself I'd find out how he got out when it got light out...
I go back in, wash my hands with Dawn Power Wash (it works to get rid of skunk on your hands).. I go back to bed, take a good 30 minutes to fall back to sleep while listening to some guy talk about non human intelligences and how we are going to find them on a repeat of the first hour of Coast to Coast AM... I drift off... and suddenly, I am awakened again by the dog barking at my front door...
Now, I'm mystified... How is this idiot dog getting out? Why does he only go to the door we never use? Will he spread more essence of skunk through the house or can I contain him some other way? I carefully open the door and slip out, grab him by the scruff again and take him to the side yard, where we have the pool, etc. and put him there so I can go back to bed.
Once again after washing my hands I am listening to the same repeated first hour of Coast to Coast AM about Non Human Intelligences and where to find them... (sounds like a Harry Potter book) and entirely fail to fall back to sleep. So I get up, play on my phone a bit and wait for daylight.
Daylight finally arrives at 6:30 AM, so I go out to do morning chores and put the nose damaging floof tornado back where he belongs... I get out there, put him on his post (each livestock guardian dog has a post I hook them to with a lead for feeding, so we don't get resource guarding fights between the dogs), and turn around to get the other dogs and notice the other gate to the pasture, the one we rarely use but I had opened yesterday, is standing wide open, all the other dogs and the goats appear to be staring at it in confusion. They stayed where they belonged all night, only the floof with the stench attached visited my front door...
My entire herd of untrained, but somehow responsible, livestock stood there like, “Well this gate is open… but we’re not leaving. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.” Meanwhile, Sir Stinks-a-Lot McFreedomPants took one look at the open gate and went, “Excellent. Time to complete my nightly rounds, acquire new cologne, and wake the hooman at his sacred front portal to report for duty.”
He clocked in for the night shift, found a chemical weapon, weaponized himself with it, and then reported directly to headquarters (my front door) not once, but twice, because clearly I was not getting the message.
So, how was your morning?
