Ted Haggard
Verified User
Well, good mornin’ my fellow political junkies!
I’m writin’ hear from federal prison where Ive been incarcerated with my fellow Hutarees. The food ain’t bad. Limited internet access.... They have a good Christian service on Sundays. I am getting’ some menacing looks from some black guys and hombres who seem to recognize me, or know me by reputation. And some threats about making me their b*tch, whatever that means. I’m a hopin’ its just prison slang for making me their Pastor. Can do!
After I got out of the liberal gay lifestyle, I decided to reinvent myself. With something a little more testosterone-driven than, um, man love.
So I joined the Hooters, I mean Hutaree Christina militia. Sometimes we just call ourselves Hooters, for short. Nice bunch of folks. Pretty much the same dang world view as me: Obama is a Kenyan Marxist, the guvment is selling us out to Islamic interests, and liberals are runnin’ hog wild over our sacred, God-given constitutional rights…..including the right to force women to stay pregnant, and to keep gays in the closets and massage parlors, where they belong!
My defense lawyar is telling me to plead insanity. He says anyone who goes from the whole gay S&M bondage thingy, to a militant rightwing Christian militia is an excelant candidate to get off for insanity. I’m stickin’ to my principles though! I’m encourage by all the conservative message board posters who have expreassed admiration and support for rightwing militias, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed by us Hooters that y’all have been open and outfront with your talk of secession, revolution against the government, and taking on law enforcement….at the end of a gun barrel! Hallelujah! Thanks my fellow conservatives, and if I ever get out of here I’ll treat you to a top notch massage at this little club I know in San Francisco.
God Bless,
Ted
I’m writin’ hear from federal prison where Ive been incarcerated with my fellow Hutarees. The food ain’t bad. Limited internet access.... They have a good Christian service on Sundays. I am getting’ some menacing looks from some black guys and hombres who seem to recognize me, or know me by reputation. And some threats about making me their b*tch, whatever that means. I’m a hopin’ its just prison slang for making me their Pastor. Can do!
After I got out of the liberal gay lifestyle, I decided to reinvent myself. With something a little more testosterone-driven than, um, man love.
So I joined the Hooters, I mean Hutaree Christina militia. Sometimes we just call ourselves Hooters, for short. Nice bunch of folks. Pretty much the same dang world view as me: Obama is a Kenyan Marxist, the guvment is selling us out to Islamic interests, and liberals are runnin’ hog wild over our sacred, God-given constitutional rights…..including the right to force women to stay pregnant, and to keep gays in the closets and massage parlors, where they belong!
My defense lawyar is telling me to plead insanity. He says anyone who goes from the whole gay S&M bondage thingy, to a militant rightwing Christian militia is an excelant candidate to get off for insanity. I’m stickin’ to my principles though! I’m encourage by all the conservative message board posters who have expreassed admiration and support for rightwing militias, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed by us Hooters that y’all have been open and outfront with your talk of secession, revolution against the government, and taking on law enforcement….at the end of a gun barrel! Hallelujah! Thanks my fellow conservatives, and if I ever get out of here I’ll treat you to a top notch massage at this little club I know in San Francisco.
God Bless,
Ted