There are only three things you should do to win at status: Keep it local, Play multiple games, Build community.
1. Keep it local
The world is full of people better at almost anything. You cannot win at any one thing unless you are the best in the world. To achieve that you need to dedicate your whole life to that goal. And it might still not be enough.
You don’t compare yourself with the world intentionally. But it happens every time you look at your phone or go online on the laptop. Social media is the most popular destination online. It is 99% people boasting about their status. You cannot help but compare with them when you see such content.
The information you see determines the status games you play.
If you see many Crossfitters, you will feel a strong urge to play the associated status games. Same if you see people traveling to exotic location, having fancy cars, partying, looking in certain way, discussing philosophical concepts, signaling professional success and so on.
Btw, jargon is mostly a status signal. Few fields really require so many specific words. But the experts in those field use the jargon to signal that they are experts, that they have high status in that game.
Information determines what status games you play. Restricting information is the way to choose the status games you play.
You can choose which digital information reaches you. It’s an effort and unpleasant because our unconscious craves new information, especially about people. But the payoff is huge.
Decide your status games. Then filter your digital information so that it reflects those status games, and not others.
For offline life, this is more complicated. We cannot filter our perceptions. But the people with which we interact physically are not such a problem for our status game. We evolved to navigate these social contests much better than the infinite races of the Internet.
2. Play multiple games
The above might imply that playing fewer status games is better. This is true to a degree.
The trap most of us fall into is that we have one status game which is predominant. Usually it is career, or popularity in a specific tribe. With so much invested in this one game, we are fragile. Any downturns inflict a heavy emotional toll.
If it’s career, then you constantly need validation of your professional status. You expect constant reward and admiration. The truth is, few jobs really have an impact. Few companies really care about what you do. It’s unfeasible to get this admiration.
Focusing too much on any one game makes us fragile.
The solution is to play multiple status games. Some of the status games I play are: expert on human behaviour, marketing strategist, crossfiter, trail runner, skier, good partner, rebel/ independent thinker, health expert, speaker, and so on.
When you have multiple games happening at the same time, you become resilient. If one goes badly, you still get status from others. For example I do Crossfit in the morning. I don’t need validation every day from work because I already got it from the workout. I can think more rationally instead of unconsciously chasing status.
3. Build community
Last but not least, winning the status game comes down to community.
The reason we seek status is to secure our position in the tribe. The more uncertain the position, the more status-obsessed we become.
In the modern world, we each belong to multiple vague tribes. This is both good and bad. It’s good because being isolated crippled the mind. It’s bad because if the tribe is vague then your position is vague.
A big example is your social circle on a social platform. The people you see there represent a tribe for your unconscious. But it’s not really a tribe. Your followers and follows are not a community. Most of them don’t even know each other. As a result the perceived tribe is shifting and unclear. Your position varies wildly as a result. Your status anxiety goes through the roof.
We have numerous imagined tribes, but few of us have a real tribe.
If you find, or build, a real community, then your status anxiety disappears.
You have a clear position in a clear tribe. This is the situation our brains evolved to handle.
Of course, it is not perfect. People can do awful things for their status in a real community. But it’s better than incidental imaginary online tribes.
How to beat Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos at the status race
Play multiple status games, but choose them intentionally.
Filter out information that pushes you into other status games.
Find a real tribe to escape seeking imaginary ones.
