You dirty old woman! If Madonna was a man she would just have made herself a pariah, says PIERS MORGAN
Imagine if YOU were a high profile celebrity involved in a custody battle over your 15-year-old son? Court proceedings are on-going, emotions are high, lawyers are engaged in furious exchanges and the world's media is salivating over every spit, cough and titillating claim. The boy himself is confused, upset and incredibly embarrassed over all his family's dirty linen being washed in public.
What would YOU do in that situation?
I'd hazard a guess that pretty much bottom of your list of sensible responses would be to drag a 17-year-old girl up on stage in front of thousands of people and deliberately expose her breast, right? Or to declare to the crowd that she was 'the kind of girl you just want to slap on the arse'.
Or to then tell that girl: 'You can do the same to me if you like if you like,' before gesturing to your crotch and adding, 'you want to make my hole big again?' This would all be bad enough if you only had the one child, the poor boy caught up in a legal fight between you and his other parent, your former spouse.
But actually, you have five children, not one. Oh, and to make it even more excruciating, you're 57 and old enough to be this girl's grandparent. Now imagine if you were a male celebrity in that position? What do you think would happen to you? First, there would be universal revulsion. Second, there would be global media fury. Third, you would almost certainly face arrest for lewd conduct and/or sexual abuse.