Pope Leo Offers To 'Help Relocate Trump' After Epstein Fallout (Satire)

[鬼百合]

Pope Leo announced today on X that, in light of the Epstein fallout, The Vatican would be willing to help Donald Trump relocate and start over in a new part of the world.

“Over the decades, we've become quite good at relocating pedophiles to new places where they can get a fresh start. We would be more than happy to move Mr. Trump somewhere they are unfamiliar with him: like Tristan da Cunha, the Korowai Tribe Territory, or Bouvet Island. I think he'd feel right at home on a remote island.”

Not to be outdone, Elon Musk replied to Pope Leo, announcing he would send President Trump into space.

”I am offering to ship Donald to Mars on one of our Starship rockets,” Musk confirmed. “We have a 67% launch failure rate right now, so we wouldn’t mind running another test to see if we can get those numbers a little better.”

 

[鬼百合]

Donald Trump Declares His Preferred Pronoun To Be "Pedo"​

The president also reveals that as a teenager his father Fred tried to put him into conversion therapy to make him into a normal heathy adult and take interest in women his own age, but he said to his father "Dad, fuck you! One of these days I'm gonna be known as the "King of the Pedos", the biggliest bestest pedo of all time!"