Obama takes on Steelers

Cancel 2016.2

Cancel 2016.2

The Almighty
Steelers to loose Super Bowl Trophies

Pittsburgh, PA. The Super Bowl XLIII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win six titles, will soon be loosing half of those trophies. After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Rodger Gadel and President Barack Hussain Obama, Obama decided to redistribute half of their Steeler Super Bowl victories and trophies to less fortunate teams in the league.

“We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl.” said Obama “We are not about to lose this Great American tradition in the wake of these difficult times.” Obama’s plan calls for the Steelers, who are a successful NFL team, to give half of their Super Bowl trophies to teams that are not successful or have not been as successful as the Steelers. “The Detroit Loins are just as much a part of the same fiber of the NFL as the Steelers and they should, no rather will, be entitled to a Super Bowl Trophy as well.” Obama explains in his plan that he has imposed on Godel and the NFL.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, who by virtue of hard work, excellent team play, stellar draft choices, responsible investing of free agents, careful hiring of coaches and excellent community service and commitment to their fans, has prospered greatly during the past 30 years and have won six Super Bowl Trophies. But President Barack Hussain Obama’s plan calls for the Pittsburgh Steelers to carry the larger burden of the NFL’s less successful teams. Obama went on to further proclaim, “In these difficult times we are all in this to work together. We must reclaim the NFL Championship Dream for every team, for every city and for every fan.”

“My plan will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league.” Obama assures. That’s over 95 percent of the teams in the NFL will not have to worry about loosing any Super Bowl Trophies. “The worst teams in the NFL and the teams that can’t seem to get a break and win a championship will no longer have to worry about going without a title.” Obama promises. “We are a country and league of hope. We all need to make a change. It does not matter the color of the teams uniforms, the personal decisions that the teams make or their performance but rather if they are a member of this great American league.”

The Super Bowl XLIII trophy will be redistributed to the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Through no fault of their own incompetence, the Lions could not manage a victory all season and this trophy will help ease the pain of their lack of performance and give them hope once again. The redistribution of Super Bowl XL trophy will go directly to the Steeler’s division rival the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals who also have fallen on hard times have never won a Super Bowl. This victory will bring a smile to hundreds of Bengal fans all over the world as they can now celebrate. Finally, one of the Steeler’s two Super Bowl victories over the Dallas Cowboys will go back to the Cowboys since the league needs to provide hope in the face of difficulty and provide hope in the face of uncertainty. This is a heavy burden for the Steelers but together we can all prosper.

All hope is not lost for Pittsburgh fans, Barack Hussain Obama has another plan in place. Obama has meet with MLB and commissioner Bud Selig on a similar plan. The New York Yankees will redistribute two of their world series trophies to the Pittsburgh Pirates as a supplement to their loosing 16 straight seasons and counting. This plan will help stimulate the Pirates and enable them to regain the American Dream. Barack Hussain Obama will be meeting with the NHL and Michael Phelps in the upcoming weeks as this issue is high on his agenda for “Hope and Change.”

The above is obviously not really taking place (this disclaimer for those who lack a sense of humor)
 
That was indeed funny Freak. Kind of like the No Child Left Behind Basketball thing that was going around.
 
Superfreak said:
I was not the author... a friend sent it to me without a source... though I would guess that it most likely did originate at the onion.
Click to expand...


The Onion wouldn't get the commissioner's name wrong. And wouldn't use the Steelers since Obama and the Steelers' ownership are on favorable terms with Mart Rooney, Jr, recently appointed as ambassador to Ireland.

It would work better with, say, the Phillies, who are World Fucking Champions.
 
One thing I've never liked about the football game analogy to taxes and wealth is that it compares a game--which while fun is almost completely inconsequential to the rest of our lives after Sunday afternoon--to something much more serious. If the Lions are AIG I have far less sympathy, but this comparison has been with us long before corporate welfare was a primary concern in our national politics.

One unconsidered aspect of the analogy that I find amusing is that most professional sports clubs are welfare recipients themselves, needing tax dollars just to create venues that would make them profitable.

Back to people, though. If we're going to have taxes, we might as well use them to invest in projects that can raise people out of poverty so that they can be sustainable participants in the economy.

The Lions going 0-16 is not exactly comparable to a person going without a job, money to pay the rent, or adequate services to provide for the basic well being of themselves or their family.

We can go on all day ideologically about whether wealth redistribution should exist, but since all taxes are generally a form of redistributing wealth, they may as well serve as broad and beneficial a purpose as possible. Helping a person or a family to sustain themselves and regain their footing seems far more innocuous, and possibly beneficial for the general public under the right circumstances, than assisting a corporation in controlling a marketplace with an unnatural competitive advantage.

I don't really lose sleep because someone wealthy has to pay taxes, even if taxes frustrate me as an individual. Taxes mostly frustrate me not because of some individualistic principle, but because they're largely wasted on projects that are fruitless for the country as a whole, but profitable for interests that are connected to whomever is in power.
 
I personally am not a fan of analogies and anecdotes, except in the case of using historical examples, which does appeal to me (since its real and applicable). That could just be the elitist in me, since a lot of people find that they can "relate" to this kind of stuff.

That said, its a very funny "article." :lolup:
 
Dungheap said:
The Onion wouldn't get the commissioner's name wrong. And wouldn't use the Steelers since Obama and the Steelers' ownership are on favorable terms with Mart Rooney, Jr, recently appointed as ambassador to Ireland.

It would work better with, say, the Phillies, who are World Fucking Champions.
Click to expand...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/17/daniel-rooney-ambassador_n_175706.html

Mart Rooney? I guess you don't work for the Onion either as it was Dan Rooney who was appointed ambassador to Ireland... where did you get the name Mart from?

Immie
 
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