I mentioned this video in another thread, but I hadn't actually listened to much of it when I did. I've now listened to the whole thing, quite sobering in my view. Some may note the errors in grammar and say that it probably wasn't -really- written by a feminist. Maybe it wasn't. But I've been hearing about things like this for a while and I think a lot of good points were made. I'll just transcribe the concluding remarks below:
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What if an entire generation grows up never learning to connect across gender? What if separation becomes default? What if we've created permanent damage? Drive home crying again. Seems to be happening a lot lately. This wasn't supposed to be how it felt. This was supposed to feel like victory, like justice, like a better world. Feels like everyone losing. Sit down and write essay I'll never publish. Title it, "Men went silent because of us." Document everything I've found, everything I've realized. Write about intentions versus outcomes. Write about how the most conscientious men were most affected. Write about how we filtered for worse behavior by making good behavior impossible. Write about loneliness and isolation and fear. Write about my own crisis of faith. Write about still believing in equality while recognizing we've created new inequality. Write about not knowing how to fix it. Write about being afraid to even try. Finish essay and save it in folder I'll never open. Too dangerous to share. Too important to delete. Testimony to unintended consequences. Evidence of damage we didn't mean to cause. Apology to generation of young men we taught to disappear. Confession that we got it wrong somehow even while getting it right. Sit in dark office staring at screen. 45 years old, 23years of feminist work, countless students taught, dedicated life to making things better. Maybe did, maybe didn't, maybe both. Think about Marcus and Andrew and all the quiet men in my classes. Think about my son who doesn't date anymore. Think about my nephew who sits in back and says nothing. Think about data showing millions of young men withdrawing into isolation.
We told them their presence could threaten, so they left. We told them to listen instead of speak, so they went silent. We told them to be aware of their power, so they became powerless. We told them women's comfort came first, so they removed themselves from the equation. Perfect compliance with everything we asked. Catastrophic result we never intended. Whisper to empty office. Men went silent because of us. Saying it aloud doesn't make it better. Doesn't fix anything. Doesn't give me answers. Just names the thing I can't unfeel. The knowing that sits heavy in chest. That decades of righteous work created shadow consequences. That intentions don't prevent damage. That we broke something while fixing something else. And I don't know how to unbreak it. Don't even know if I'm allowed to say it's broken. Career and reputation rest on maintaining that everything we did was right. But sitting alone with research and data and testimonies of isolated young men can't maintain the certainty anymore. Something went wrong. Something is still going wrong. And we did it. Not maliciously, not intentionally, not with desire to harm, but we did it nonetheless. They went silent because of us. And the silence is deafening.
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