Is Today’s Self-Help Teaching Everyone to Be a Jerk?

[Hume]

There’s a certain flavor of advice that is dominating the self-help best-seller list. These books have titles like “The Courage to Be Disliked” and “Set Boundaries, Find Peace.” They tell readers not to worry so much about letting people down, not to answer those calls from aggravating friends, not to be afraid of being the villain.

This all becomes more alarming when you think of the best-seller list as a mirror of the social moment, which some historians say it may be.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/25/style/self-help-books-columns-readers.html?unlocked_article_code=1.i08.qHux.RfO7_IFtqobC&smid=url-share

 

[T. A. Gardner]

Not at all. People can be jerks all on their own, as you prove here on a nearly daily basis.

 

[AProudLefty]

Not at all. People can be jerks all on their own, as you prove here on a nearly daily basis.

Jerks like keeping harping about the Left and defending the Right? Jerks like accusing people of supporting the violence and such?

 

[anonymoose]

There’s a certain flavor of advice that is dominating the self-help best-seller list. These books have titles like “The Courage to Be Disliked” and “Set Boundaries, Find Peace.” They tell readers not to worry so much about letting people down, not to answer those calls from aggravating friends, not to be afraid of being the villain.

This all becomes more alarming when you think of the best-seller list as a mirror of the social moment, which some historians say it may be.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/25/style/self-help-books-columns-readers.html?unlocked_article_code=1.i08.qHux.RfO7_IFtqobC&smid=url-share

Not at all. People can be jerks all on their own, as you prove here on a nearly daily basis.

Jerks like keeping harping about the Left and defending the Right? Jerks like accusing people of supporting the violence and such?

 

[T. A. Gardner]

I think Hume read this one...

 

[AProudLefty]

I think Hume read this one...

Says the guy who hates the Left and embraces the Right and Trumpism.

 

[T. A. Gardner]

Says the guy who hates the Left and embraces the Right and Trumpism.

I'm not self-loathing. I loathe other people. I'm fine with myself.

 

[AProudLefty]

I'm not self-loathing. I loathe other people. I'm fine with myself.

You loathe the far right? Good.

Your obsession with the Left doesn't help you.

 

[T. A. Gardner]

You loathe the far right? Good.

Your obsession with the Left doesn't help you.

Yea, the far Right is to be loathed. But you gotta admit they're also hilarious to watch in action. The Left is to be loathed but they're dangerous because they get together in large numbers unlike the far Right.

As George Carlin put it succinctly:

 

[LurchAddams]

Yea, the far Right is to be loathed. But you gotta admit they're also hilarious to watch in action. The Left is to be loathed but they're dangerous because they get together in large numbers unlike the far Right.

As George Carlin put it succinctly:

So tell us more about "how the right doesn't gather in large, dangerous groups and how "safe" they are I'm sorry, TA, but it's my job to keep reminding me how full of shit your posts are.

 

[AProudLefty]

Yea, the far Right is to be loathed. But you gotta admit they're also hilarious to watch in action. The Left is to be loathed but they're dangerous because they get together in large numbers unlike the far Right.

As George Carlin put it succinctly:

Large numbers like those in Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy?

Yep the fat right can be as dangerous. But you ignore that and whine about the Left.

 

[T. A. Gardner]

View attachment 58084

View attachment 58085

So tell us more about "how the right doesn't gather in large, dangerous groups and how "safe" they are I'm sorry, TA, but it's my job to keep reminding me how full of shit your posts are.

They aren't. At Charlottesville, (Unite the Right), there were only a few hundred radical Right idiots involved where the counter protesters swelled to several thousand. A second attempt by those same groups to hold a second, similar, rally in DC drew less than 100 participants. That's typical of radical Right protests, far less than 1000 usually less than 100 show up.

Jan 6 wasn't a far-Right protest.

On the other hand, the radical Left can and does regularly muster up to 1000 or more protesters at one of their riots.

 

[LurchAddams]

They aren't. At Charlottesville, (Unite the Right), there were only a few hundred radical Right idiots involved where the counter protesters swelled to several thousand. A second attempt by those same groups to hold a second, similar, rally in DC drew less than 100 participants. That's typical of radical Right protests, far less than 1000 usually less than 100 show up.

Yep and then one of you murdered a young woman at the end.

Jan 6 wasn't a far-Right protest.

On the other hand, the radical Left can and does regularly muster up to 1000 or more protesters at one of their riots.

I can only try to reason with the unreasonable. "Jan 6th wasn't a far-right protest". No it was a violent riot.

And now You're a riot Thanks for the chuckle.

 

[T. A. Gardner]

Yep and then one of you murdered a young woman at the end.

What's that got to do with their numbers?

I can only try to reason with the unreasonable. "Jan 6th wasn't a far-right protest". No it was a violent riot.

And now You're a riot Thanks for the chuckle.

Jan 6 was a three-hour riot. There was violence involved. The only death was a protester shot by an incompetent Capitol Police officer. But the protesters weren't on the radical Right.

 

[LurchAddams]

What's that got to do with their numbers?

It disproves your theory that the right isn't violent.

Jan 6 was a three-hour riot. There was violence involved. The only death was a protester shot by an incompetent Capitol Police officer. But the protesters weren't on the radical Right.

Yeah, they were all "lefties" And yes, one criminal was killed by a cop doing his job. Several other cops were badly injured. Keep up with your gaslighting, it might work on the weaker-minded.

 

[T. A. Gardner]

It disproves your theory that the right isn't violent.

I never claimed Charlottesville wasn't violent. I claimed that there were only a few hundred--at most--radical Right individuals there versus well over 1000 Leftist counter protesters. The ratio could be as high as 10 to 1, possibly higher.

Yeah, they were all "lefties" And yes, one criminal was killed by a cop doing his job. Several other cops were badly injured. Keep up with your gaslighting, it might work on the weaker-minded.

No, they were on the Right but not the radical Right. No, Byrd clearly violated federal use of force guidelines, and by his own admission fled the scene of the shooting after he did it. True, several other police officers did suffer injuries, none so serious as to be life threatening.

 

[LurchAddams]

I never claimed Charlottesville wasn't violent.

You claimed the right wasn't violent. The Nazi's aren't lefties, they're far-right racist fucks.

I claimed that there were only a few hundred--at most--radical Right individuals there versus well over 1000 Leftist counter protesters. The ratio could be as high as 10 to 1, possibly higher.

Numbers don't matter when a person is murdered by whatever numbers exist. Mass shooters are only one person but they cause tremendous harm. Your "numbers" claim is bullshit.

No, they were on the Right but not the radical Right. No, Byrd clearly violated federal use of force guidelines, and by his own admission fled the scene of the shooting after he did it. True, several other police officers did suffer injuries, none so serious as to be life threatening.

Whatever dude. It's a blessing more of your far-right buddies weren't killed during the coup attempt. Byrd is a hero. The proof? You claim he's not. You're pretty much posting nothing but total bullshit lately.

 

[Hawkeye10]

As the West collapses being civilized is considered to be a weakness to be exploited.

 

[T. A. Gardner]

You claimed the right wasn't violent. The Nazi's aren't lefties, they're far-right racist fucks.

Never claimed that either. My standard line on that subject is the far Right is extremely violent individually. A lone Rightwing extremist can rack up the body count. On the other hand, the far Left is just as violent but only in large numbers or a mob. They riot, destroy property, commit arson, graffiti everything in sight, wreck businesses, and injure dozens even hundreds of people. But they usually don't kill many people like the extreme Right does.

Numbers don't matter when a person is murdered by whatever numbers exist. Mass shooters are only one person but they cause tremendous harm. Your "numbers" claim is bullshit.

When the lives of hundreds, thousands, of people are destroyed because their livelihoods and businesses are destroyed, or they're beaten into cripples, it's just as egregious and evil as if they were murdered. Some lone Rightwinger crazy shoots and kills say 10 people. That's evil and terrible. A mob of Leftwing extremists riot in some downtown and burn blocks of buildings, smash every window in sight, burn cars, damage and destroy property, fight the police, and thump on anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in things causing billions in damage. That's evil and terrible. I see ZERO difference.

Whatever dude. It's a blessing more of your far-right buddies weren't killed during the coup attempt. Byrd is a hero. The proof? You claim he's not. You're pretty much posting nothing but total bullshit lately.

Byrd is an incompetent idiot. He should have been fired long before that fuck up for his previous fuck ups. Explain to me how a police officer, and a lieutenant and supervisor level officer at that, can shoot someone and leave the scene of that shooting even as half-a-dozen other officers remained there to deal with the person shot and the people around her?

We know he did that. He admitted to it. How can a cop that shot someone just leave the scene of that shooting and not face consequences?

 

[domer76]

There’s a certain flavor of advice that is dominating the self-help best-seller list. These books have titles like “The Courage to Be Disliked” and “Set Boundaries, Find Peace.” They tell readers not to worry so much about letting people down, not to answer those calls from aggravating friends, not to be afraid of being the villain.

This all becomes more alarming when you think of the best-seller list as a mirror of the social moment, which some historians say it may be.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/25/style/self-help-books-columns-readers.html?unlocked_article_code=1.i08.qHux.RfO7_IFtqobC&smid=url-share

Nothing wrong with any of that. One does not have to be a jerk when looking out for oneself.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got, actually I read it in a stoic reference, is to learn how to say no. Too many times in life, we say yes to things we never wanted to do in the first place. It can breed anxiety and resentment for getting roped into things we didn’t wish to be involved in to begin with.