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Thread: When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years - Trump

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    Default When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years - Trump

    https://www.theonion.com/when-youre-...-ab-1819584806

    When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years

    My friends, everybody has their down days, and during these long winter months it is especially easy to succumb to the doldrums and find yourself in a bit of a funk. But not to fear! I have a simple tip that’s guaranteed to pick you up and get you back in good spirits in no time, and here it is: Whenever you’re feeling low, just remember that I, Donald Trump, will be dead in roughly 15 to 20 years.

    That’s right. In the not-very-distant future I will die and then be gone from the world for all eternity. You may even get to watch me in a casket on national television being lowered into the ground, never to be seen again. I bet you’re smiling just thinking about that.

    Now, I recognize that the news out there in the world has been particularly depressing lately, and these days it’s understandable that one might begin to feel like there’s no hope and no reason to go on, but let me assure you that there is. Oh, boy, is there ever! Indeed, you can always take solace in the fact that the monstrous, unimaginable piece of shit that is me will stop existing fairly soon, and that I will continue to not exist for the remainder of your lifetime. Biologically speaking, I, the host of NBC’s The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice, have no more than two decades left to live. In fact, right now I’m just 10 years away from reaching the average lifespan of an American male.

    How does that make you feel? Pretty good, right?

    Sure, I’ll have a grand, opulent funeral that will be talked about and broadcast extensively, and all the news segment retrospectives on my life will probably be obnoxious to watch and listen to, and will very likely make you angry. But just think: all of those segments will end with a picture of my blustery, self-important face and the dates 1946–2031 printed beneath it. Or maybe 1946–2032. Or, who knows, maybe earlier! Even if you’re not feeling glum, I guarantee the recognition that my death is a concrete and rapidly approaching inevitability will make you feel even better.

    And if my death in 15 or 20 years feels like it’s too far in the future to wash away your blues, you can take heart knowing that I’ll start to physically and mentally deteriorate well before then. Why, by 2020, I, a man who recently tried to extort the sitting president of the United States to release his college and passport records, might even begin to show signs of serious and unavoidable decline in mental and physical faculties, and doesn’t that just perk your spirits right up? Just imagine me shuffling along, hunched forward, with a noticeably shortened gait and perpetually haggard face. Heck, that might happen by the end of this decade! Of course there’s an outside chance I could make it another 25 years, but in a way, wouldn’t it be even more uplifting and enjoyable for everyone if I wasted away slowly and pitifully until I became a wizened and impossibly frail old relic—the pathetically impotent, papery husk of a once-powerful man?

    Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s try a surefire pick-me-up that is certain to buoy your spirits right this very moment: let’s think of ways I could die! Perhaps I’ll suffer through a slow, excruciating kidney failure that leaves me in profound pain that the doctors just can’t treat. It could be a massive heart attack while I’m delivering a speech to investors, forcing me to clutch my chest in agony and stagger into the audience. It could be Alzheimer’s. Or I could even be diagnosed with a vicious form of cancer that at first appears to be responding well to chemotherapy but then takes a rapid and inescapable turn for the worse.

    And of course there’s always the possibility that I’ll be declared brain-dead after a stroke and lie immobile on a hospital bed for a year or more before Melania finally works up the courage to pull the plug.

    And if you need a real shot in the arm to get you laughing and smiling again, just remember that I could trip down a flight of stairs in my own ultra-plush luxury high-rise this very night and shatter my skull right there. Isn’t that great?

    So there’s no reason to be wearing a frown, my friend. I will die, and I will die soon. And as long as you remember that, your days will be brighter. I promise.
    "Do not think that I came to bring peace... I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." - Matthew 10:34

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    I literally don't know how I'll go on living after Trump dies, life will be too awesome.
    "Do not think that I came to bring peace... I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." - Matthew 10:34

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    I don't know if Trump is human.
    Be Best

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    There's a very good possibility he is an animated corpse, I doubt he has a pulse. He's just a robot that spouts racist phrases intermittently without thought to please boomers.
    "Do not think that I came to bring peace... I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." - Matthew 10:34

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    I was thinking about Chaney. I am not sure he has a heart.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Wokest View Post
    There's a very good possibility he is an animated corpse, I doubt he has a pulse. He's just a robot that spouts racist phrases intermittently without thought to please boomers.
    Be Best

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Wokest View Post
    I literally don't know how I'll go on living after Trump dies, life will be too awesome.
    At that time we can start lionizing Trump like Reagan. We can ask all future candidates if they are Trumpesque and we could have Don Jr give his blessing to the trumpiest candidate!

    It will be awesome brother watermark!

    Think about it. History Channel. Maga! The story of one mans quest to make america great again!

    woot woot!
    is on twitter @realtsuke

    https://tsukesthoughts.wordpress.com/

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    tsuke: "At that time we can start lionizing Trump like Reagan."
    You're an idiot! A small minded idiot at that.
    What we should do is build a giant Mausoleum, probably on the White House lawn. And then hermetically seal this thing with Trump's body inside (probably after he's dead). Think Lenin.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack View Post
    tsuke: "At that time we can start lionizing Trump like Reagan."
    You're an idiot! A small minded idiot at that.
    What we should do is build a giant Mausoleum, probably on the White House lawn. And then hermetically seal this thing with Trump's body inside (probably after he's dead). Think Lenin.
    OR! we could just have a set up like the dalai lama and say that Trumps consiousness transferred to his successor. He is the God Emperor after all.
    is on twitter @realtsuke

    https://tsukesthoughts.wordpress.com/

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Wokest View Post
    https://www.theonion.com/when-youre-...-ab-1819584806

    When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years

    My friends, everybody has their down days, and during these long winter months it is especially easy to succumb to the doldrums and find yourself in a bit of a funk. But not to fear! I have a simple tip that’s guaranteed to pick you up and get you back in good spirits in no time, and here it is: Whenever you’re feeling low, just remember that I, Donald Trump, will be dead in roughly 15 to 20 years.

    That’s right. In the not-very-distant future I will die and then be gone from the world for all eternity. You may even get to watch me in a casket on national television being lowered into the ground, never to be seen again. I bet you’re smiling just thinking about that.

    Now, I recognize that the news out there in the world has been particularly depressing lately, and these days it’s understandable that one might begin to feel like there’s no hope and no reason to go on, but let me assure you that there is. Oh, boy, is there ever! Indeed, you can always take solace in the fact that the monstrous, unimaginable piece of shit that is me will stop existing fairly soon, and that I will continue to not exist for the remainder of your lifetime. Biologically speaking, I, the host of NBC’s The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice, have no more than two decades left to live. In fact, right now I’m just 10 years away from reaching the average lifespan of an American male.

    How does that make you feel? Pretty good, right?

    Sure, I’ll have a grand, opulent funeral that will be talked about and broadcast extensively, and all the news segment retrospectives on my life will probably be obnoxious to watch and listen to, and will very likely make you angry. But just think: all of those segments will end with a picture of my blustery, self-important face and the dates 1946–2031 printed beneath it. Or maybe 1946–2032. Or, who knows, maybe earlier! Even if you’re not feeling glum, I guarantee the recognition that my death is a concrete and rapidly approaching inevitability will make you feel even better.

    And if my death in 15 or 20 years feels like it’s too far in the future to wash away your blues, you can take heart knowing that I’ll start to physically and mentally deteriorate well before then. Why, by 2020, I, a man who recently tried to extort the sitting president of the United States to release his college and passport records, might even begin to show signs of serious and unavoidable decline in mental and physical faculties, and doesn’t that just perk your spirits right up? Just imagine me shuffling along, hunched forward, with a noticeably shortened gait and perpetually haggard face. Heck, that might happen by the end of this decade! Of course there’s an outside chance I could make it another 25 years, but in a way, wouldn’t it be even more uplifting and enjoyable for everyone if I wasted away slowly and pitifully until I became a wizened and impossibly frail old relic—the pathetically impotent, papery husk of a once-powerful man?

    Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s try a surefire pick-me-up that is certain to buoy your spirits right this very moment: let’s think of ways I could die! Perhaps I’ll suffer through a slow, excruciating kidney failure that leaves me in profound pain that the doctors just can’t treat. It could be a massive heart attack while I’m delivering a speech to investors, forcing me to clutch my chest in agony and stagger into the audience. It could be Alzheimer’s. Or I could even be diagnosed with a vicious form of cancer that at first appears to be responding well to chemotherapy but then takes a rapid and inescapable turn for the worse.

    And of course there’s always the possibility that I’ll be declared brain-dead after a stroke and lie immobile on a hospital bed for a year or more before Melania finally works up the courage to pull the plug.

    And if you need a real shot in the arm to get you laughing and smiling again, just remember that I could trip down a flight of stairs in my own ultra-plush luxury high-rise this very night and shatter my skull right there. Isn’t that great?

    So there’s no reason to be wearing a frown, my friend. I will die, and I will die soon. And as long as you remember that, your days will be brighter. I promise.
    You'll always have ginger pubes, nobody wants to grasp your blubbering vagina.
    Last edited by cancel2 2022; 05-25-2018 at 02:22 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tsuke View Post
    OR! we could just have a set up like the dalai lama and say that Trumps consciousness transferred to his successor. He is the God Emperor after all.
    that's "karma" (dependent origination) not "consciousness".
    Buddhist do not reincarnate their selves in any form- only Hindu keep their selfs

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