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Thread: Made me laugh!

  1. #16 | Top
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    .

    A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

    When you pass the milk shelves, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of freshly mowed hay.

    In the meat department, there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

    When you approach the egg shelves, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

    The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

    I don't buy toilet paper there anymore
    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

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  6. #21 | Top
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    Beyond a reasonable doubt. How do we know that Donald Trump has never read the Bible?

    ‘Cos he’s not mentioned in it, silly.
    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  7. #22 | Top
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    Notice seen outside Jomtien bar: The Wet T-Shirt Party has been cancelled because of heavy rain. A case of TIT.
    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  8. #23 | Top
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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  9. #24 | Top
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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  10. #25 | Top
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    These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    1. "He had delusions of adequacy ” Walter Kerr
    2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill
    3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow
    4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
    5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
    6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas
    7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain
    8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde
    9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
    10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response
    11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” - Stephen Bishop
    12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright
    13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb
    14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson
    15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating
    16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker
    17. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain
    18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West
    19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde
    20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
    21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder
    22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx
    23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
    24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
    25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard
    26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed
    27. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) —Robert L Truesdell
    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  11. #26 | Top
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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  12. #27 | Top
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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  13. #28 | Top
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    WAGs: Wives and Girlfriends

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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

  14. #29 | Top
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    As Gustave Le Bo lamented: “The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduces them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.”

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