Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 41

Thread: What to do in Cincinnati?

  1. #1 | Top
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    54,266
    Thanks
    14,891
    Thanked 18,490 Times in 12,706 Posts
    Groans
    294
    Groaned 1,141 Times in 1,086 Posts

    Default What to do in Cincinnati?

    I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

    I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

    Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

    So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put it on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

    Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich, which is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

    Watching the local “Appalachian Americans” get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

    But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

    I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

    My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

    Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

    So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
    Last edited by Mott the Hoople; 08-05-2021 at 05:50 PM.
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Mott the Hoople For This Post:

    christiefan915 (08-08-2021), Dutch Uncle (08-06-2021), Phantasmal (08-05-2021), ThatOwlWoman (08-05-2021)

  3. #2 | Top
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    54,266
    Thanks
    14,891
    Thanked 18,490 Times in 12,706 Posts
    Groans
    294
    Groaned 1,141 Times in 1,086 Posts

    Default

    Believe it or not my fellow Bengal fans took that with a good laugh and their sangfroid intact. About 20% were not amused. I’d consider that a success. :-)
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mott the Hoople For This Post:

    anonymoose (08-06-2021), Phantasmal (08-05-2021)

  5. #3 | Top
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    61,005
    Thanks
    81,114
    Thanked 39,462 Times in 25,211 Posts
    Groans
    2,629
    Groaned 4,517 Times in 4,178 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

    I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

    Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

    So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put your clothes on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

    Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

    Watching the local hillbillies get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

    But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

    I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

    My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

    Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

    So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
    The poor guy is probably petrified!

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Phantasmal For This Post:

    Mott the Hoople (08-05-2021)

  7. #4 | Top
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    54,266
    Thanks
    14,891
    Thanked 18,490 Times in 12,706 Posts
    Groans
    294
    Groaned 1,141 Times in 1,086 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Phantasmal View Post
    The poor guy is probably petrified!
    LOL I made it clear, after I posted it, that it was meant in jest only and it was.
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Mott the Hoople For This Post:

    Phantasmal (08-05-2021)

  9. #5 | Top
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    47,985
    Thanks
    15,479
    Thanked 10,084 Times in 8,273 Posts
    Groans
    448
    Groaned 1,569 Times in 1,512 Posts

    Default

    Protip: stay away from the danger zones.
    Quote Originally Posted by PoliTalker View Post
    This is a DIY country.

    If something is not working for us, we have the power to fix it within the system.


    Quote Originally Posted by Truth Detector View Post
    ^Thread trolling moron thinks he can hear what's typed here. The definition of "unhinged."


    Look at what Turd Digester said.

  10. #6 | Top
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Ravenhenge in the Northwoods
    Posts
    51,633
    Thanks
    85,500
    Thanked 41,796 Times in 26,645 Posts
    Groans
    0
    Groaned 4,038 Times in 3,788 Posts
    Blog Entries
    3

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

    I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

    Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

    So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put it on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

    Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich, which is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

    Watching the local “Appalachian Americans” get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

    But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

    I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

    My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

    Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

    So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!


    It sounds strangely like St. Louis, only the sitting for hours waiting for something to move happens on I-270, while the four other major hwys take turns.
    “She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.” -- Mark Twain

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to ThatOwlWoman For This Post:

    Mott the Hoople (08-06-2021)

  12. #7 | Top
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    11,114
    Thanks
    2,894
    Thanked 6,196 Times in 4,127 Posts
    Groans
    422
    Groaned 710 Times in 658 Posts
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

    I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

    Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

    So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put it on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

    Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich, which is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

    Watching the local “Appalachian Americans” get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

    But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

    I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

    My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

    Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

    So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
    I remember Cincinnati before the days of GPS. We crossed the river a few times after missing exits and getting lost.

  13. #8 | Top
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    47,985
    Thanks
    15,479
    Thanked 10,084 Times in 8,273 Posts
    Groans
    448
    Groaned 1,569 Times in 1,512 Posts

    Default

    Remember 2001. Stay away from those zones.
    Quote Originally Posted by PoliTalker View Post
    This is a DIY country.

    If something is not working for us, we have the power to fix it within the system.


    Quote Originally Posted by Truth Detector View Post
    ^Thread trolling moron thinks he can hear what's typed here. The definition of "unhinged."


    Look at what Turd Digester said.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to AProudLefty For This Post:

    Mott the Hoople (08-06-2021)

  15. #9 | Top
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    107,377
    Thanks
    8,526
    Thanked 30,488 Times in 24,311 Posts
    Groans
    2,924
    Groaned 2,388 Times in 2,278 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    About 20% were not amused
    those were probably the ones disappointed you failed to mention sheep shagging......
    Isaiah 6:5
    “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

  16. #10 | Top
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    107,377
    Thanks
    8,526
    Thanked 30,488 Times in 24,311 Posts
    Groans
    2,924
    Groaned 2,388 Times in 2,278 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning
    obviously this didn't happen since Bengals fans cannot read......
    Isaiah 6:5
    “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

  17. #11 | Top
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    54,266
    Thanks
    14,891
    Thanked 18,490 Times in 12,706 Posts
    Groans
    294
    Groaned 1,141 Times in 1,086 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jade Dragon View Post
    I remember Cincinnati before the days of GPS. We crossed the river a few times after missing exits and getting lost.
    Wow! You must have been toasted. Cincinnati is hard to get lost in. All roads lead to the Ohio River, so to speak, and the road system there is largely a grid network. I’ve taken some wrong exits there and in some cases you had to drive a ways to get turned around but never got lost there. Though it is a bit of a rat Warren down by the river.
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

  18. #12 | Top
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    54,266
    Thanks
    14,891
    Thanked 18,490 Times in 12,706 Posts
    Groans
    294
    Groaned 1,141 Times in 1,086 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AProudLefty View Post
    Remember 2001. Stay away from those zones.
    I literally started my first day on the job with a Cincinnati company that was on South Greenlawn ave about four blocks from OTR on the day of the OTR riot. I about got in my car and went home.
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to Mott the Hoople For This Post:

    AProudLefty (08-06-2021)

  20. #13 | Top
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    11,114
    Thanks
    2,894
    Thanked 6,196 Times in 4,127 Posts
    Groans
    422
    Groaned 710 Times in 658 Posts
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    Wow! You must have been toasted. Cincinnati is hard to get lost in. All roads lead to the Ohio River, so to speak, and the road system there is largely a grid network. I’ve taken some wrong exits there and in some cases you had to drive a ways to get turned around but never got lost there. Though it is a bit of a rat Warren down by the river.
    We were trying to get to an aquarium just across into Kentucky. We ended up back in Ohio trying to find it. By we, I of course mean my parents since I was a young teen at the time.

  21. #14 | Top
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    47,985
    Thanks
    15,479
    Thanked 10,084 Times in 8,273 Posts
    Groans
    448
    Groaned 1,569 Times in 1,512 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jade Dragon View Post
    We were trying to get to an aquarium just across into Kentucky. We ended up back in Ohio trying to find it. By we, I of course mean my parents since I was a young teen at the time.
    I've been to the aquarium. It was so awesome. There was a tunnel you can walk through and look at various fishes.

    I am impressed that the glass could withstand the pressure.
    Quote Originally Posted by PoliTalker View Post
    This is a DIY country.

    If something is not working for us, we have the power to fix it within the system.


    Quote Originally Posted by Truth Detector View Post
    ^Thread trolling moron thinks he can hear what's typed here. The definition of "unhinged."


    Look at what Turd Digester said.

  22. #15 | Top
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    11,114
    Thanks
    2,894
    Thanked 6,196 Times in 4,127 Posts
    Groans
    422
    Groaned 710 Times in 658 Posts
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AProudLefty View Post
    I've been to the aquarium. It was so awesome. There was a tunnel you can walk through and look at various fishes.

    I am impressed that the glass could withstand the pressure.
    I can't remember too much but I remember what was probably a tiger or mako shark, the many jellyfish, the octopus, and I believe a land exhibit with gators.

Similar Threads

  1. Trump KAG rally in Cincinnati, OH TONIGHT 8/1/19
    By Stretch in forum Current Events Forum
    Replies: 74
    Last Post: 08-02-2019, 07:33 AM
  2. Cincinnati Reds suck.
    By Mott the Hoople in forum Sports, Hobbies & Pictures
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 04-27-2019, 09:14 AM
  3. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-29-2016, 10:15 PM
  4. Cincinnati union president sentenced to 51 months in prison
    By RockX in forum Current Events Forum
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-10-2012, 08:24 PM
  5. Just looked this up; the PR referendum in Cincinnati failed by narrow margin
    By FUCK THE POLICE in forum Current Events Forum
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12-13-2008, 02:32 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •