Donald Trump’s Inauguration Day letter to Joe Biden: An exclusive (very real) draft

[Guno צְבִי]

Without further delay, here is the (definitely very real) draft of President Trump’s letter to that other guy, Joe Whatshisname:

Dear LOSER!!

Welcome to the White House, you sleepy dope. I am leaving not because you beat me but because I choose to stop being president because I have already been THE BEST president in American history. Many have said that. I hear it all the time, people say, “Sir, there has never been a president like you.”

And I know they’re right. I’ve accomplished more than any president in history, and I remain incredibly popular and everyone loves me, especially my late father. And also Lindsey Graham. Just ask him, he tells me that all the time. He’s a total loser, but he knows a good president when he sees one. By the way, I left a file about him in the desk here. It contains … some things, if you know what I mean. Just wave it around if you ever need to get him to do something for you. He’s like a trained dog.

Some losers in the media keep saying I should just say you won. They say crazy stuff, like that I’m “fomenting violence.” What does “fomenting” even mean? I gotta ask Jared.

Speaking of Jared, can you give him a job? That would be a good way to unify the country, and frankly, I can’t stand the kid. Creepy looking. I just had him around to keep Ivanka happy. Isn’t she beautiful? Not sure what she sees in that skinny weirdo, but whatever.

Now look, I know you’re going to screw up everything I’ve done, and I want you to know this: I don’t care. I just want to get down to Mar-a-Lago and keep bilking money from these rubes I sold hats to. So how about you give me a big pardon? Not that I’ve done anything wrong, but just in case. You give me a pardon, I’ll give you nothing and we’ll call it even, deal?


https://www.chicagotribune.com/colum...5ea-story.html

[ThatOwlWoman]

Brilliant and sadly way too much truth.