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Thread: I had to go to the store

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    Default I had to go to the store

    My trip to the store

    I needed some jalapenos for my omelette so I went to the local non-walmart grocery store and got me about 4 of them. That's all, 4. I put them in the little produce area plastic baggy and went to the check out. So, at the check out, the cashier is Eva Braun. This old bitch makes me show my ID to buy cigs for my wife, even though any moron can see I'm an old man, and then when I gripe about it she always spews out some libtard bullshit like, "We have to make sure, it's for your own good!" Fucking old kunt! I'd like to ass rape her 80 year old ass with a rancid celery stalk!.

    Anyway, I go up there with my baggie of jalapeņos and she scans them and it's 27 cents. I grab the bag and the mind dead old man bag boy pulls them from me and says paper or plastic? So not having paid for them yet, I open my wallet pull out a dollar bill and my debit card and ask him the same thing. "Paper or plastic?" The jew burning old bitch cashier just glares at me and say's "That comes to .27 cents." So, I give her the dollar and then she asks me, for the ten trillionth time, "Are playing monopoly, and do you have a rewards cards?" I say, no, like I always do, and then again for the ten trillionth time she says, "Do you want one?" Jesus I hate this old bitch. "No, Arrrghhhhggg!" I say, in my best Sam Kinison. Then it's back to dealing with the mind dead sacker.

    Again he asks, "Paper or plastic?" And while I'm tempted to pull my .357 magnum and shoot him in the mouth, instead I say, "Oh, I dunno, which would you recommend?" He thinks for a moment and says, "Well, now that's up to you!" So I say, "You've worked here since Fred fucking Flintstone was in high school, and you don't have an opinion on which one is better? Why not?" Help me decide I say. He just snickers, like the fucking nazi asswipe he so clearly is and asks again, "Paper or plastic?" I''m real tempted to say, "Full metal jacket or hollow point?", but instead I say, "I'll just take them like they are in the produce plastic baggie they are already in!" Then, in a moment of full lucidity, he says, "So, you don't want a bag?"

    I woke up several hours later, at home, wondering if it really happened or was it all a bad dream. The only thing that was proof was that on the counter lay a bag of jalapenos....I need to start drinking again.




    The guy in line behind me


    Got up, too early, had to go to the store for milk and antacid for the Mrs. It's cold as fuck out and not much traffic, so I go to the local affiliated. Like I said it's early so the store traffic is light and I walk in and do my shopping. It's a well stocked store, a little pricey, but the only other place is the local walmart and it's farther away and bigger, so it's harder to get in and out real quick. Anyway, I load my hand basket with the items I came for and head to the check out. There's only one cashier working and there's a small line already there, but it looks like each customer only has a few items. It's not like I have a choice anyway so I get in line. The cashier is a trim 70 something female retiree I've seen in here before, and the sacker, his name is Bob. I recall him from when he used to work at the local walmart. I guess he got tired of all the pc crap over there!

    Anywho, the first guy in line is some Rambo looking soldier of fortune type, you know, buzz cut, cargo pants, hunters vest and all, and all he has is one little bag of some kind of produce. Looks like he's too old to play soldier. He puts it on the counter, the lady scans it and says "That comes to .27 cents." Bob whisks up the sack of stuff before the guy can grab it and says, "paper or plastic?" Funny, here, the dude opens his wallet, pulls out a dollar and a CC and says right back to him, "paper or plastic!" I almost laughed out loud! Then Grandma Walton tells him again it's .27 cents and he lays the dollar down and old Bob says paper or plastic again! The guy looks at him real funny and then says, "Well Bob, help me out here. You've obviously worked here since the Flintstones and Bedrock, so what kind of a crummy fucking sack would you recommend? I mean which one is better and gives me the best chance of getting my four jalapenos safely home before grandma here calls the PoPo on me?"

    Seriously, I thought the old bag was going to wet her pants and Bob, well he just stood there like "WTF?" Then, before anyone could move, Rambo whisked up his stuff and walked out the door, leaving his change on the counter. "Keep the change," he said as he sauntered out of the store.



    How the evil checker saw it


    I usually don't post this kind of stuff, but the day before yesterday, I had the most awful experience at work. You see, I'm a checker in a small town grocery store and I have to deal with all kinds. We have this one guy that comes in every few weeks, and he really burns my buns! He's always wearing sloppy looking clothes and old work shirts and he never wants to answer my questions! I mean what's the matter with asking if he plays our wonderful monopoly game? He's so anal! He even told me he would not show me his drivers license to buy cigarettes for his wife, of all the nerve! I'd bet he's a Trump voter!

    Well, let me start at the beginning.

    He came in in day before yesterday and as usual, he came by my check out lane. I looked over at Bob the bag man and gave him my knowing look, so he would be prepared for this miscreant. He walked up and placed a small bag of jalapenos on the counter, and that's all he had! I passed it over the scanner and it rang up .27 cents. Bob looked at him and said "Paper or plastic", like he always does, and this jerk grabbed the bag before Bob could and pulled out a dollar bill and a credit card and said "Paper or plastic?", right back at Bob! I wanted to hit him but he always has this strange looking bulge in his pants so, I knew what that meant. I said, "That will be .27 cents," and he threw his dollar down on the counter and just glared at me, like has was getting sexually aroused or something. What a freak!

    Well, the next thing I knew Bob had jumped in and saved the day and asked this dirty man if he wanted paper or plastic, and he asked Bob which one he recommended! Like it made a difference or something! Like he could question us! Well, Bob told him it was up to him and this old bastard started taunting Bob and telling him something about that old Flintstones cartoon and all, and it went right over my head! I don't know what the was talking about! Well I was getting so scared and all I was just about to press the security alert button when he suddenly grabbed his bag of peppers, and walked out without saying another word! I tell you, the nerve of this person asking us paper or plastic. If had a dick, that was where i would have told him to suck it! Bob asked him again about the bag style, but he just kept walking!

    I'm so stressed I had to take pill.
    Last edited by jakemax; 11-24-2020 at 07:20 PM.

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    Damn what a day...

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    Default

    Too long.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Soul View Post
    Too long.
    That's what all women say to me...

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    Love it!

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Bubba For This Post:

    jakemax (11-24-2020)

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