Why I’m Leaving the Republican Party By Mike Gillis

[Bill]

Why I’m Leaving the Republican Party

By Mike Gillis





For decades, I have been known as one of the most significant voices in the Republican Party. I have advised the Bushes. I’ve aided the Quayles. I’ve tenderly kissed the Cheneys. But today I come to you to reveal that I am leaving this beloved party of mine—the party that educated me, housed me, tickled me, and dressed me up as a donkey and forced me to run drunkenly through the streets of Iowa to scare voters in the 1984 Presidential election.

It is not easy for me to say this, because the G.O.P. raised me. I grew up being fed fresh-baked cookies by George H. W. Bush every day after school. I was burped as a baby by Ronald Reagan. Dr. Henry Kissinger himself delivered me and slapped my rear in the delivery room. My mother and my father were Gerald Ford and Richard Nixon.

Yet I cannot stand idly by and watch as these crooks take over the party I love. I cannot abide this coarsening of discourse, and so on and so forth, etc., etc. Here are the reasons that I am leaving the Republican Party.

Firstly, our country is being ruthlessly divided by the Commander-in-Chief. Brother pitted against brother, cat against dog, exterminator against cockroach, sentient robot against mad inventor. Americans must accept that, no matter our particular beliefs, we are all citizens of the United States—whether we be Republican or Democrat, Canadian or Bulgarian, Mesopotamian or Sumerian.

Secondly, as an elder statesman, I recall a kinder, more genteel time in Congress, when Democrats and Republicans not only worked together but were, in fact, fused into a single amorphous entity, composed of writhing flesh and gravel-grasping tendrils, which governed the entire nation through fear and its hive-mind-like consciousness. Did we live in abject horror of that grotesque bipartisan creature, as it rolled through the Senate, destroying podiums and devouring congressional aides to sate its blind lust for power? Yes. But did we respect it? Of course, we did. Its psychosonic mental energy commanded us to do just that.



That’s what being American used to mean.

Finally, I must impress upon my former colleagues that real Americans do not pledge fealty to a strongman. They do not get down on their knees to kiss the boots of an elected official while crying, “Oh, I love you so much, mwah, mwah, mwah, such a nice boot, I love this boot,” until, out of embarrassment, an aide has to slowly pry them off the guy’s leg. And then everyone is just kind of standing around, wondering, What the hell is that guy’s problem? Is he just obsessed with shoes, or what? Americans don’t do that. They don’t even like shoes that much.

Ultimately, the rank partisanship of our current era is what the Founding Fathers feared most. Well, except for John Jay. He was terrified of goblins. Benjamin Franklin also thought goblins were real, and James Madison was scared of goblins, too. Also, John Hancock and Alexander Hamilton really talked about goblins a lot in their journals. Come to think of it, almost all of the Founding Fathers were really scared of goblins. But after that came hatred of partisanship. And fear of vampires.

In closing, today I depart from the party I once loved so much with great anxiety for the future of our country but also an abiding faith in the ability of our citizens to rise above their petty disagreements and give me a multimillion-dollar contract at a cable news network. We, as a nation, have blindly forgiven far worse than what I’ve done, and I sincerely believe we can do it again. All that it takes is everyone suffering severe head trauma and forgetting the past forty years of my actions and beliefs. Then, and only then, can we transcend the divisiveness of the current moment and move on to a glorious new world in which I can afford a nice renovation of my kitchen, with one of those refrigerators that’s built right into the wooden cabinetry.

God bless you all.

[PoliTalker]

I like the way he writes, but who the heck is he?

I never heard of him.

Nothing in wiki.

[Callinectes]

Who is Mike Gillis?

[PostmodernProphet]

anyone who wants to leave the Republican Party is welcome to leave the Republican Party......we are making room for all the blacks, hispanics, and union workers anyway.......

[Bill]

I like the way he writes, but who the heck is he?

I never heard of him.

Nothing in wiki.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/why-im-leaving-the-republican-party

Don't tell anyone...........

[Bill]

anyone who wants to leave the Republican Party is welcome to leave the Republican Party......we are making room for all the blacks, hispanics, and union workers anyway.......

Good thinking.........

Finally looking forward, rather than to the past.........

You'll need a new name for that new party, since that aint gonna pass in your party any time soon

Here is one up for GRABS

GRABUM as in the O' trump line grab them by ___ _____

Grand Races Arabs Blacks Unions & Mexicans party

good luck

[Cypress]

The writing is pretty melodramatic, and noticeably weird (Gerald Ford and Dick Nixon were his mother and father???).

I left the Republican Party around 1991 when it was becoming obvious moderates and liberal Republicans were not going to be tolerated anymore.

I do not know why the author is belatedly shocked at Trumpism.

The Republican Party, the Tea Bag Party, Fox News, talk radio, and the rightwing blogosphere have been laying the groundwork for a leader like Trump for the entire 21st century. Trump is the natural consequence of all the work Republicans have been doing for two decades. No one should be shocked Trump is a beloved hero of the Republican Party.

[PostmodernProphet]

You'll need a new name for that new party

why?.....as the OP says, the idiots are leaving.....

[Bill]

why?.....as the OP says, the idiots are leaving.....

lol, don't forget your knee pads, you'll need um...........

[PostmodernProphet]

I prefer a nice comfy chair to lean back and watch you cry......

[Cinnabar]

Why I’m Leaving the Republican Party

By Mike Gillis





For decades, I have been known as one of the most significant voices in the Republican Party. I have advised the Bushes. I’ve aided the Quayles. I’ve tenderly kissed the Cheneys. But today I come to you to reveal that I am leaving this beloved party of mine—the party that educated me, housed me, tickled me, and dressed me up as a donkey and forced me to run drunkenly through the streets of Iowa to scare voters in the 1984 Presidential election.

It is not easy for me to say this, because the G.O.P. raised me. I grew up being fed fresh-baked cookies by George H. W. Bush every day after school. I was burped as a baby by Ronald Reagan. Dr. Henry Kissinger himself delivered me and slapped my rear in the delivery room. My mother and my father were Gerald Ford and Richard Nixon.

Yet I cannot stand idly by and watch as these crooks take over the party I love. I cannot abide this coarsening of discourse, and so on and so forth, etc., etc. Here are the reasons that I am leaving the Republican Party.

Firstly, our country is being ruthlessly divided by the Commander-in-Chief. Brother pitted against brother, cat against dog, exterminator against cockroach, sentient robot against mad inventor. Americans must accept that, no matter our particular beliefs, we are all citizens of the United States—whether we be Republican or Democrat, Canadian or Bulgarian, Mesopotamian or Sumerian.

Secondly, as an elder statesman, I recall a kinder, more genteel time in Congress, when Democrats and Republicans not only worked together but were, in fact, fused into a single amorphous entity, composed of writhing flesh and gravel-grasping tendrils, which governed the entire nation through fear and its hive-mind-like consciousness. Did we live in abject horror of that grotesque bipartisan creature, as it rolled through the Senate, destroying podiums and devouring congressional aides to sate its blind lust for power? Yes. But did we respect it? Of course, we did. Its psychosonic mental energy commanded us to do just that.



That’s what being American used to mean.

Finally, I must impress upon my former colleagues that real Americans do not pledge fealty to a strongman. They do not get down on their knees to kiss the boots of an elected official while crying, “Oh, I love you so much, mwah, mwah, mwah, such a nice boot, I love this boot,” until, out of embarrassment, an aide has to slowly pry them off the guy’s leg. And then everyone is just kind of standing around, wondering, What the hell is that guy’s problem? Is he just obsessed with shoes, or what? Americans don’t do that. They don’t even like shoes that much.

Ultimately, the rank partisanship of our current era is what the Founding Fathers feared most. Well, except for John Jay. He was terrified of goblins. Benjamin Franklin also thought goblins were real, and James Madison was scared of goblins, too. Also, John Hancock and Alexander Hamilton really talked about goblins a lot in their journals. Come to think of it, almost all of the Founding Fathers were really scared of goblins. But after that came hatred of partisanship. And fear of vampires.

In closing, today I depart from the party I once loved so much with great anxiety for the future of our country but also an abiding faith in the ability of our citizens to rise above their petty disagreements and give me a multimillion-dollar contract at a cable news network. We, as a nation, have blindly forgiven far worse than what I’ve done, and I sincerely believe we can do it again. All that it takes is everyone suffering severe head trauma and forgetting the past forty years of my actions and beliefs. Then, and only then, can we transcend the divisiveness of the current moment and move on to a glorious new world in which I can afford a nice renovation of my kitchen, with one of those refrigerators that’s built right into the wooden cabinetry.

God bless you all.

For starters, Reagan kicked off the destruction of the American middle class and Kissinger is a war criminal so this guy, whoever he is, has a great moral compass to begin with.

[Bill]

I prefer a nice comfy chair to lean back and watch you cry......

Or vise versa.....

[PoliTalker]

Hello Bill,

Good thinking.........

Finally looking forward, rather than to the past.........

You'll need a new name for that new party, since that aint gonna pass in your party any time soon

Here is one up for GRABS

GRABUM as in the O' trump line grab them by ___ _____

Grand Races Arabs Blacks Unions & Mexicans party

good luck

That was good.

[PoliTalker]

Hello Bill,

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/why-im-leaving-the-republican-party

Don't tell anyone...........

I guess it was humorous. Yes, of course it was. This election is so pivotal for our nation. The stress of the pandemic, so many people dying, and wondering how the election will turn out and what will happen to our nation does not lend itself to such unexpected wry humor. Since it was not presented to me as humor, and there have been so many defections from the Republican Party, I took it way to seriously. I could have appreciated it more if I had known from the outset that it was tongue in cheek.

[CFM]

The writing is pretty melodramatic, and noticeably weird (Gerald Ford and Dick Nixon were his mother and father???).

I left the Republican Party around 1991 when it was becoming obvious moderates and liberal Republicans were not going to be tolerated anymore.

I do not know why the author is belatedly shocked at Trumpism.

The Republican Party, the Tea Bag Party, Fox News, talk radio, and the rightwing blogosphere have been laying the groundwork for a leader like Trump for the entire 21st century. Trump is the natural consequence of all the work Republicans have been doing for two decades. No one should be shocked Trump is a beloved hero of the Republican Party.

Why should anyone tolerate those that can't make up their mind and liberals?

Trump is the natural choice when you idiots on the left start believing an incompetent black BOY was qualified based solely on skin color.