Never go into them, my wife attended the prestigious Chetawan Wat Pho traditional Thai massage school. Of course you don't know what I'm talking about, do you? Suffice to say it's considered to be the top school in the world and with one of their certificates you can work just about anywhere. Regarding happy endings, I am sure that they are any number of establishments in Nawlins that can cater to your needs.
There are many massage chairs in department stores here, bloody good value for just 20 baht.
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