Congratulations on your victory President Zelensky!

Thank you, Mr. President! But a couple things, sir. As I know you’re aware, some members of our parliament injected themselves into the election of 2016 in favor of Hillary Clinton and against you. I would like to apologize to you for that, because I know your country takes election meddling very seriously.

Oh, that’s no problem Mr. Zelensky. Water under the bridge.

Another thing, Mr. Trump and again as you are certainly aware, the son of your former VP was appointed to the board of Burisma, which was under investigation at or around the time of his son’s employment there.

Well Mr. Zelensky, even though we are supposed to be discussing corruption, I have absolutely no interest in the Biden’s involvement with Burisma. Our domestic media insists that the matter is ‘settled’ and only conspiracy theorists would dare raise the issue.

Beyond that—even though we are supposed to be discussing corruption in your country, I frankly don’t care about the Biden’s, even though the prior administration was concerned about the obvious conflict of interest issue raised over it.

Besides, there’s kind of an unwritten rule that democrats are off-limits to investigation while they’re running for office. Clearly, Joe Biden is no exception since he’s trying to get the Democrats nomination for president. So I am prevented from asking you to look into it even if I wanted you to.

Anything else, Mr. Zelensky?

No, Mr. Trump.

Great talking with you Mr. Zelensky and again, congratulations on your victory!

Your check is in the mail!