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Thread: Tell a joke, riddle, or just something funny (non-PC)

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    The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid
    *Nobody stands up*
    Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!
    *Little Johnny stands up*
    Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
    Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing
    Common sense is not a gift, it's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.

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    Want to save 15% or more on car insurance?

    Leave the scene of an accident.
    _____

    Two young girls walk by a house on a hot summer day and notice an old woman eating watermelon and not wearing any panties.

    Girls: "Is it cooler not wearing panties?"

    Old woman: "I don't think so, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
    _____

    A man received the following text from his neighbor:

    I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. I don't get it at my house, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

    The husband, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife.

    A few moments later, a second text came in: Auto-correct. I meant "wifi" not "wife."
    Common sense is not a gift, it's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpy View Post
    1. Spikes on soles of athlete's shoes, such as golf shoes.
    2. Close enough cook meat with direct high heat.
    3. Slang for rather.
    4. Correct
    5. Correct
    6. Correct
    7. Correct

    You did very well a little better than I did with British words despite having been to the UK.
    Congrats.
    I was right about cleat, it is used to tie down the sheets on a boat.

    a3-yacht-terminology.jpg

    https://www.kavas.com/sailors-guide/...cal-terms.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Havana Moon View Post
    I was right about cleat, it is used to tie down the sheets on a boat.

    a3-yacht-terminology.jpg

    https://www.kavas.com/sailors-guide/...cal-terms.html
    True but that wasn't the def I was looking for. But you still did well with the correct form of English. Just kidding.

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    Spot the Kardashian!

    FB_IMG_1558210025699.jpg

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    Did you hear the one about the Muslim immigrant who was looking to take advantage of this capitalistic society and started a new business that catered to those of the Islamic faith? He started a compay that made miniature statues of Muhammad...….they are now making small profits.

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  14. #115 | Top
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    Woman talking bollox.


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    Not really a joke. Funny as hell though. And so true!


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    "There is no question former President Trump bears moral responsibility. His supporters stormed the Capitol because of the unhinged falsehoods he shouted into the world’s largest megaphone," McConnell wrote. "His behavior during and after the chaos was also unconscionable, from attacking Vice President Mike Pence during the riot to praising the criminals after it ended."



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    I've got the perfect one:

     
    The DNC collude with the FBI, in an attempt to try and find evidence on President Trump and then they failed.


    SEDITION: incitement of resistance to or insurrection against lawful authority.


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  20. #120 | Top
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    .

    This guy put a Merlin 27 litre Spitfire engine into a Rover SD1, truly crazy.


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