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Two old friends, a priest and a rabbi, met in a park as they'd done for years to feed the pigeons from their favourite park bench.
They'd become friends as boys and stayed friends as adults.
One day the priest asked his friend "Hyam, have you ever tasted ham?"
His friend, the Rabbi, thought for a bit then said "Yes, John. I've eaten pork. I once attended a friend's Christmas party. It had hors d'oeuvre, including ham and I ate several."
Both men thought for a bit then Hyam asked "John, have you ever had carnalH knowledge of a woman?"
John thought for a bit then said "Yes. There was a young lady I met before I took my vows. We had a beautiful relationship and, yes, I have had carnal knowledge of a woman."
Hyam nudges his friend and says "Better than ham isn't it?"
"Hatred is a failure of imagination" - Graham Greene, "The Power and the Glory"
.
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a
physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the
man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
O
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door,
Jill said, "Wait a minute, I want to see how you unlock the door."
"Why?" John asks.
"Because I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
"Well," Jill explains, "if a guy shoves his key into the lock and opens the door hard,
then that means he is a rough lover and he isn't for me. If a man fumbles around and can't
seem to find the keyhole, that means he is inexperienced and he isn't for me either. So,
how do you unlock your door?"
Without hesitation, John says, "Well, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
Common sense is not a gift, it's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
Drummie123 (05-12-2021), Sailor (05-16-2021)
Jackass - Branding Iron
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