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Thread: Top ten jokes from this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

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    Default Top ten jokes from this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

    The top ten jokes at Edinburgh were:

    1. ‘Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day’ – Adam Rowe

    2. ‘I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring’ – Leo Kearse

    3. ‘I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed’ – Olaf Falafel

    4. ‘In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me’ – Daniel Audritt

    5. ‘What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?’ – Flo and Joan

    6. ‘I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts’ – Darren Walsh

    7. ‘Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project’ – Justin Moorhouse

    8. ‘I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it’ – Adele Cliff

    9. ‘Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?’ – Alex Edelman

    10. ‘I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time’ – Laura Lexx.

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    I don’t get #6 and #8.

    #5 gave me a chuckle.
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

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    Default

    Some of those were actually funny. Good job, HM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Havana Moon View Post
    The top ten jokes at Edinburgh were:

    1. ‘Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day’ – Adam Rowe

    2. ‘I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring’ – Leo Kearse

    3. ‘I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed’ – Olaf Falafel

    4. ‘In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me’ – Daniel Audritt

    5. ‘What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?’ – Flo and Joan

    6. ‘I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts’ – Darren Walsh

    7. ‘Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project’ – Justin Moorhouse

    8. ‘I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it’ – Adele Cliff

    9. ‘Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?’ – Alex Edelman

    10. ‘I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time’ – Laura Lexx.
    1. 2/10
    2. 1/10
    3. 2/10
    4. 0/10
    5. 0/10
    6. 0/10
    7. 3/10
    8. 0/10
    9. 0/10
    10. 1/10

    Poor Tom.
    We have the intellect to imagine the finality of our own demise but do not have the sophistication to overcome our survival instinct and accept it.
    Solution? Magical thinking and childish promises of everlasting life.
    Ergo, religion.

    rac·ist
    rāsəst/noun
    a person who believes that a particular race is superior to another.
    Ask yourself honestly if this describes what you believe to be true.
    If the answer is yes, you are a racist.

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    Here's one your friend guno told me:

    A Rabbi with a frog on his shoulder walk into a Bar.
    The Bartender looks at the Frog, then looks at the Rabbi. The Bartender asks: "What will you have?"
    The Frog says: "Two beers".
    The Bartender seems bewildered but goes gets two beers.
    When the Bartender returns with the two beers, the Bartender asks: "Where did you get that?"
    The Frog replies: Brooklyn, they're all over the place".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    I don’t get #6 and #8.

    #5 gave me a chuckle.
    A jumper is Britspeak for a sweatshirt, kids over here will put them down as goalposts when they play football in the park.

    I can't believe that you don't what the TARDIS is, shame on you!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    I don’t get #6 and #8.

    #5 gave me a chuckle.
    I thought 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8 were hilarious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Havana Moon View Post
    I thought 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8 were hilarious.

    Wait!
    What about mine?

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    One for intellectuals. Descartes walks into a bar.

    "The usual, Renee?" says the barman.

    "I think not," says Descartes, and vanishes.

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    1 is the best one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack View Post
    Wait!
    What about mine?
    I didn't understand it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker View Post
    One for intellectuals. Descartes walks into a bar.

    "The usual, Renee?" says the barman.

    "I think not," says Descartes, and vanishes.
    Renée Descartes is feminine, René Descartes is masculine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Havana Moon View Post
    I didn't understand it.
    It's a Robin Williams joke that he used in Manhattan (New York City) Comedy Routine. There's a lot of Jews in and around New York City (Brooklyn is one of the 5 Boroughs).
    (thinking about it, that joke might not work in England)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Havana Moon View Post
    I didn't understand it.
    I had guno in mind, I KNOW guno would like it. You know, guno being a 'Humanist' and all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack View Post
    I had guno in mind, I KNOW guno would like it. You know, guno being a 'Humanist' and all.
    Guano is a racist bastard, he should hook up with Dumber76 and get him to smoke his pork.

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