NATO allies together have a personnel count of 5.41 million, compared to Russia's 1.35 million, according to the graphic that was the same as Statista's figures.
NATO has 946 million citizens, and 3.3 million active troops, or 3,500 troops for every million citizens. Russia has 145 million citizens, and 1.4 million active troops, or 9,700 troops for every million citizens. North Korea has 26 million citizens, and 1.3 million active troops, or 50,000 troops for every million citizens.
So in absolute numbers, NATO has a bigger military, in terms of how militarized the society is, NATO is the least militarized. The same is even more true about military spending. NATO has to spend thousands of times as much as North Korea, but a lot less of the NATO economies is dedicated to military spending. Many NATO nations are having trouble hitting 2% of GDP, where North Korea is at 24%... And given that the military takes a lot of production without paying for it, is much actually much higher.
On the spectrum of how militarized places are, NATO is several times less militarized than Russia, and North Korea is hyper-militarized. Ukraine is also becoming hyper-militarized. When a country is invaded, and is fighting for its survival, it becomes hyper-militarized. So I withdrawal my original statement that nothing in Europe is "hyper-militarized". No NATO nation is "hyper-militarized".
We had detente with Russia during the Cold War.
The Cold War was not a shooting war. We did not have detente with the Chinese while we were fighting them in Korea.
The first step, way before detente is a ceasefire. Everyone is trying to find Putin an offramp to get a ceasefire, but there is a problem. A ceasefire would mean that Russian troops would begin going home (if only to be replaced with new Russian troops). That means they would begin telling people back home how badly Putin failed. A ceasefire might be the end of Putin.
I dont even know when Ukraine will stop being a hot war
You cannot have a lowering of tensions towards a more stable peace while there is a hot war. There is no peace for detente to make more stable.