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charver

Blogs? B*ll*cks more like.

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Hello!? Hello...is this thing on?

Ah, right. I have no idea what i'm doing here and depending on the level of trauma suffered during this process i may never do it again. Some of you people may have seen these new-fangled 'blog' things on the internets before. Usually it appears to be a rather tedious account of everything that person has managed to pack into their oh-so-hectic day during the previous 24 hour period.

As much as i'd like to constantly relay to you my every move and thought - from the relative angle and strength of my morning erection (a strong 90 degrees, fading westerly) and the nuanced hue and consistency of my last stool (dark and quite meaty) right through to the dream i had featuring an evil spasticated blackbird shouting obscenities at a lamppost (odd) - i feel that would only be a waste of everybody's time. And i know how valuable your time is, otherwise why would you be hanging about this messageboard making it look untidy?

So, as i can't think of anything to write, here is a rehashed list of facts about Skellingtons

Top 10 Facts About Skeletons

1.Skeletons are made out of a vast collection of bones
2.The mortal enemy of the skeleton is the dog
3.Famous skeleton owners include: celebrity midget Tom Cruises, reactionary Catholic bigot Mel Gibsons and former Wimbledon men's singles champion Martina Navratilovas
4.The most popular nickname for a skeleton is ‘Boney’
5.‘Boney’ was also the nickname of diminutive French military man, Napoleon Bonaparte, although, somewhat confusingly, he was not a skeleton
6.The Roman Catholic Church recognised skeletons as "not innately evil" but "still a bit spooky", in 1988
7.In their spare time, skeletons like nothing more than emerging from the earth to frighten bands of Greek adventurers looking for unlikely things made out of gold, for example apples or fleeces
8.Skeletons are currently in the middle of a legal wrangle with pirates over alleged flag-related image rights abuses
9.If you are anorexic, or know any anorexic people, it may be best not to introduce them to skeletons as this can lead to tremendous levels of envy
10.Cambodian dictator, Pol Pot, collected millions of skeletons hoping to find the golden skeleton, which would grant him access to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory

That's your lot, now clear off.

Don't make me take my belt off.

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Comments

  1. Damocles's Avatar
    LOL. Most excellent.

    While the Catholic church may not believe in the evils of skeletonry, the Evangelical Ministers still declare any and all activity, other than fasting and prayer (and possibly missionary position sex, but I'm not sure) on Hallowe'en to be "evil".

    Rest assured the "evilness" of the skeleton is solidified in history.
  2. Cancel7's Avatar
    Oh, I'm glad you did a blog charver, yours will be fun to read.

    DAmo it's so funny that you mention sex positions, because I have just finished with the entire series Sex and the City. And I was left wondering if anyone real, really does it in that many different positions?
  3. FUCK THE POLICE's Avatar
    I'm definitely subscribing to this...