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nosh and splosh

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We have a new wine shop on what the 'management' laughingly call our 'shopping piazza'. They sell French wine and French cheese and on one of my fairly regular visits I got to mulling over the world of the grape.

There was this old New Zealander and another guy who described himself as a sommelier and they were tasting some of the stock. I joined them, eager to learn. I learned that wine stored in American oak barrels differed from wine stored in European oak barrels - wait, wait - the difference is in the size of the pores. See it makes sense. More surface area more transferred flavour from the oak. And I tried an American oaked bordeaux and a french one and the American one was slightly more bitter (not a bad thing).

Ok, I thought. The next time some supercilious and immaculate wine waiter hands me the list of things I could not identify and asks me to choose I will say something like: 'Do you have a nice Bordeaux that has been aged in American oak?'

And if - which is extremely unlikely - he answers in the affirmative and does this ridiculous thing of pouring a tiny bit into my glass, I will say: No, not this, I thought everyone knew that anything but Californian oak is rubbish.

You see, that moment, that tiny portion of time when you are embarrassed to be paying this penguin money for a bottle of non-desript plonk and you sort of smile weakly and say yes, that's fine is a moment that can be turned to your advantage.

Did you know, for example that, notwithstanding the above, the correct way to deal with this situation is to swill the wine in the glass, bury your nose deep withing the glass semisphere, take a sniff and nod.

No need to engage him in any conversation at all. And why do they do it anyway? They know you are going to say 'yes' unless it is obviously corked (which wine seldom is) so if he is the expert, tell him to bloody well sniff it.

The above applies to red wine only (but you knew that, didn't you?)

The other thing my local wine shop sells is French cheese. Now basically French cheese is quite nice. If it lacks anything it lacks what all things French lack, and that is 'balls'. I mean look at Brie. Always an embarrassment, Brie. When is it at its best and does it matter? Does one eat the rind or cut it off thus discarding about thirty percent of what you have just paid an arm and a leg for?

No. Give me a good solid English cheese. A mature mouse-trap or a lovely soft and creamy Stilton. I found a new cheese company recently, it is called the Snowdonia Cheese company and it makes six beautifully distinctive cheeses. Each one an absolute delight.
Oh. I see it is time for breakfast. Just cereal, I'm afraid and not even trendy meusli.

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  1. christiefan915's Avatar
    I'm so glad the blog is back! It's been a long time since we've had the scoop on the Dragon's Back, and your other interesting adventures.

    Re: the wine-tasting, rent the movie Sideways and see how the real pros do it... among other things.