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Thread: BMW drivers

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    Default BMW drivers



    In a bid to make motoring more inclusive to BMW drivers town and country planners are looking at ways to improve car parks with them in mind. "BMW drivers can feel looked down on because they simply don't posses the skills needed to park in a conventional space" said spokesperson Amanda Parkins.

    She goes on to say:-

    "When they end up not straight with one or more wheels over one or more lines they can feel inadequate and in these days of inclusivity we must remember BMW drivers have feelings too. Our new guidelines are being trialled at a supermarket in Derby and feature extra wide centre lanes so the BMW driver can do the 'swing in at high speed forwards' manoeuvre in comparative safety and we've angled some of the bays to reduce the need to turn the steering wheel more than is absolutely necessary to reduce the risk of acrylic nail fatigue. The ends of the BMW bays have a choice of stop lines - a feature we thinks give them a better chance of actually ending up at one of them - my daughter Emily (aged 6) thought of this idea and we are pleased to include it in our proposal"

    Warming to the task Ms Parkins who drives a Ford Mondeo continues:-

    "We also took the needs of pedestrians into account with our design and in recognition of the fact BMW drivers do not understand what pedestrian crossings are we've removed them from the BMW parking zone - relying on the pedestrians ability to look up from their phones whilst walking in car parks and take note of approaching beamers."

    If successful it is hoped to roll the scheme out to other car parks as they become due for re-lining.

    We did ask a BMW dealer what they felt about this scheme - however they refused to give any indication - a result we really should have anticipated I guess.

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    Too flippin true
    "Those who vote decide nothing. Those who count the vote decide everything." Joseph Stalin
    The USA has lost WWIV to China with no other weapons but China Virus and some cash to buy democrats.

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    I've posted this before but it bears repeating here.

    Most feared drivers.

    #5. Teenagers driving anything. "Hey everyone watch this!"
    #4. Rednecks in pickup trucks. "Yeeehaaw!"
    #3. Moms in minivans. Because getting little precious to soccer practice is more important than your life.
    #2. Old men in luxury cars. If you were a better human being you would be driving a luxury car like them. Their car is more important than your life.

    and the most feared driver out there is.......

    #1 BWM drivers. BMW's, they are built by Nazi's and driven by assholes. A coincidence? I think not!
    Last edited by Mott the Hoople; 01-23-2016 at 10:09 AM.
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Borboletta View Post


    In a bid to make motoring more inclusive to BMW drivers town and country planners are looking at ways to improve car parks with them in mind. "BMW drivers can feel looked down on because they simply don't posses the skills needed to park in a conventional space" said spokesperson Amanda Parkins.

    She goes on to say:-

    "When they end up not straight with one or more wheels over one or more lines they can feel inadequate and in these days of inclusivity we must remember BMW drivers have feelings too. Our new guidelines are being trialled at a supermarket in Derby and feature extra wide centre lanes so the BMW driver can do the 'swing in at high speed forwards' manoeuvre in comparative safety and we've angled some of the bays to reduce the need to turn the steering wheel more than is absolutely necessary to reduce the risk of acrylic nail fatigue. The ends of the BMW bays have a choice of stop lines - a feature we thinks give them a better chance of actually ending up at one of them - my daughter Emily (aged 6) thought of this idea and we are pleased to include it in our proposal"

    Warming to the task Ms Parkins who drives a Ford Mondeo continues:-

    "We also took the needs of pedestrians into account with our design and in recognition of the fact BMW drivers do not understand what pedestrian crossings are we've removed them from the BMW parking zone - relying on the pedestrians ability to look up from their phones whilst walking in car parks and take note of approaching beamers."

    If successful it is hoped to roll the scheme out to other car parks as they become due for re-lining.

    We did ask a BMW dealer what they felt about this scheme - however they refused to give any indication - a result we really should have anticipated I guess.
    Tom....you finally did it. You posted a quality humorous article. Even Grind might give this a "meh".
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

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    We have these assholes at work with high end cars who like to take up two parking spots so no one will park next to their precious car. It doesn't work. Either the guys with monster trucks drive over the berm to park next to them or people like me with little four bangers just park so close to their car that they would have to be 3 inches wide to get into their car.
    You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic!

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    Default BMW drivers

    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    Tom....you finally did it. You posted a quality humorous article. Even Grind might give this a "meh".
    Not my fault if you guys are not plugged into the zeitgeist.

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    The difference between BMWs and porcupines?


    With porcupines, the pricks are on the outside.

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    Volvo drivers come a close second along with Range Rovers aka Chelsea Tractors!

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    That's it.
    I am trading in the Mercedes for a Beemer. Fuck youse all.
    It is the responsibility of every American citizen to own a modern military rifle.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rune View Post
    That's it.
    I am trading in the Mercedes for a Beemer. Fuck youse all.
    They run about $1.09 from Hot Wheels.
    Are you sure you can afford it?

    SEDITION: incitement of resistance to or insurrection against lawful authority.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Eno L. Camino View Post
    Are you an asswhole?
    They won't approve the financing unless you cut at least three people off during the test drive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eno L. Camino View Post
    Are you an asswhole?
    If not I am sure I would do until USAFreafdumb shows up.
    It is the responsibility of every American citizen to own a modern military rifle.

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