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Thread: Understanding Engineers

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    Default Understanding Engineers

    Understanding Engineers #1
    Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"


    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
    "Take what you want."


    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said,
    "Good choice, The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."




    Understanding Engineers #2
    To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


    Understanding Engineers #3
    A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers.


    The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?
    We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"


    The doctor chimed in,
    "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"


    The priest said,
    "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."


    He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
    They're rather slow, aren't they?"


    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
    They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
    so we let them play for free anytime."


    The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said,
    "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them."


    The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine
    them to see if there's anything I can do for them."


    They were silent for a moment.


    Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


    Understanding Engineers #4
    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons.
    Civil engineers build targets.



    Understanding Engineers #5
    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

    The graduate with accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

    The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"



    Understanding Engineers #6
    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
    Just look at all the joints."


    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
    The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."


    The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
    Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline adjacent to a recreational area?"



    Understanding Engineers #7
    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.


    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.




    Understanding Engineers #8
    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."


    He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.


    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."


    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
    and returned it to the pocket.


    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."


    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
    and put it back into his pocket.


    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"


    The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer.
    I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog, now that's cool!"




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    Those are pretty good.
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    Understanding Engineers #2
    To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
    Wrong. An engineer realizes that the glass is entirely full. Half full of water, the rest with air.
    Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
    - -- Aristotle

    Believe nothing on the faith of traditions, even though they have been held in honor for many generations and in diverse places. Do not believe a thing because many people speak of it. Do not believe on the faith of the sages of the past. Do not believe what you yourself have imagined, persuading yourself that a God inspires you. Believe nothing on the sole authority of your masters and priests. After examination, believe what you yourself have tested and found to be reasonable, and conform your conduct thereto.
    - -- The Buddha

    It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
    - -- Aristotle

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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Guns View Post
    Those are pretty good.
    Oldies but goodies.

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    Oh man, I wish software engineers were actually real engineers so that these would apply to me.
    "Do not think that I came to bring peace... I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." - Matthew 10:34

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    Quote Originally Posted by Damocles View Post
    Wrong. An engineer realizes that the glass is entirely full. Half full of water, the rest with air.
    No, almost all of it consists of the empty space between atoms.
    "Do not think that I came to bring peace... I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." - Matthew 10:34

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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Nothing View Post
    No, almost all of it consists of the empty space between atoms.
    Chemist or Physicist, not an engineer. Engineers deal in real effect. Unless we were in vacuum, the other half is full of air. The glass is never empty.
    Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
    - -- Aristotle

    Believe nothing on the faith of traditions, even though they have been held in honor for many generations and in diverse places. Do not believe a thing because many people speak of it. Do not believe on the faith of the sages of the past. Do not believe what you yourself have imagined, persuading yourself that a God inspires you. Believe nothing on the sole authority of your masters and priests. After examination, believe what you yourself have tested and found to be reasonable, and conform your conduct thereto.
    - -- The Buddha

    It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
    - -- Aristotle

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    Quote Originally Posted by Damocles View Post
    Chemist or Physicist, not an engineer. Engineers deal in real effect. Unless we were in vacuum, the other half is full of air. The glass is never empty.
    Full of electro-magnetic phenomena, mostly.
    "Do not think that I came to bring peace... I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." - Matthew 10:34

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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Nothing View Post
    Full of electro-magnetic phenomena, mostly.
    Cool enough.
    Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
    - -- Aristotle

    Believe nothing on the faith of traditions, even though they have been held in honor for many generations and in diverse places. Do not believe a thing because many people speak of it. Do not believe on the faith of the sages of the past. Do not believe what you yourself have imagined, persuading yourself that a God inspires you. Believe nothing on the sole authority of your masters and priests. After examination, believe what you yourself have tested and found to be reasonable, and conform your conduct thereto.
    - -- The Buddha

    It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
    - -- Aristotle

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