...and then the fight started

[Cancel3]

I got this today and thought I would share it.

"You gotta learn to laugh, its the way to true love"








My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --- ------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said , 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...



----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.


She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband



'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.


I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started

[uscitizen]

Truth and the opposite sex is often troublesome.

[Thorn]

Those are all pretty funny, but I'll bet a sense of humor on the part of the participants in each (assuming that they might reflect actual situations, which is what makes them funny) would instantly defuse any anger and lead to greater intimacy. Just IMHO.

[Epicurus]

Yeah it would take a humorless individual to start a fight based on each of those dialogues.

[uscitizen]

Those are all pretty funny, but I'll bet a sense of humor on the part of the participants in each (assuming that they might reflect actual situations, which is what makes them funny) would instantly defuse any anger and lead to greater intimacy. Just IMHO.

I don't know about the bathroom scales one Thorn. I figure that one is worth at least a couple of days of silence and "the look".

[Cancel7]

I think that whenever anyone talks about women using "cold cream" they really are announcing that they have been marked-down and put onto the clearance rack, where they sat for years and still didn't sell, until enough time had passed that they could be taken off of the clearance rack and, after being marked up, placed in the antiques section.

That's what I think.

[uscitizen]

Gotta start checking clearance racks...

[charver]

Gotta start checking clearance racks...

Not that i'm drawing any conclusions but is your right hand much softer and smoother than your left?

[uscitizen]

Not that i'm drawing any conclusions but is your right hand much softer and smoother than your left?

LOL yep
But you do presume me to be right handed.

I do actually have a fine regular lady friend too.

And no blue pills needed yet either.

[evince]

Blue pills or not its pretty funny stuff.

[charver]

LOL yep
But you do presume me to be right handed.

I do actually have a fine regular lady friend too.

And no blue pills needed yet either.

USC pictured earlier today.

[Chapdog]

i particularly liked the fishing one. Made me LOL in the office.

[uscitizen]

USC pictured earlier today.

LOL, thanks but no thanks. I prefer real women than brainless eye candy.

[Epicurus]

LOL, thanks but no thanks. I prefer real women than brainless eye candy.

Translation: My girl is nowhere near as hot as that blonde chick.

[uscitizen]

Translation: My girl is nowhere near as hot as that blonde chick.

True, but a lot better for me.
And I think she looks as good or better than Palin