One of my favorite stories
byon 02-20-2010 at 10:39 PM (2360 Views)
Everyone who knows me loves it when I tell this story, so I felt I should share it with you all.
I'll start off by saying that I'm not really a good person. My buddy Mike and I invented a game to play while we were in the Marine Corps. We would find lonely desperate women online (craigslist,onlinebootycall,plentyoffish, Etc) and convince them that we were interested in whatever they were looking for. Love, sex, friendship, you name it.
Of course we were both married at the time, so we weren't interested in these women. Instead we would see if they would give us free food/drinks and a good laugh, always at their own expense. The free food/drink thing never worked out, but this one time, we DID get $100. That's where this story starts.
We found a "woman" on plentyoffish.com who was offering to pay money to have sex with young guys, preferably Marines. Now at the time, we both thought this "woman" was legit, but being married, we weren't gonna cheat. But we weren't gonna give up free money either. Enter my random patsy and all around useless guy, Jared.
Me and Jared used to be good friends and even room mates. But then he ended up stealing from me, around $500 of money and stuff. I got mine in the end, but I still hated him. He however was dumb as a sack of soggy donkey dicks, so he still thought we were friends.
Anyways, we convinced him to call this "woman" up and see what the deal was. First call was on speaker phone so we all could listen in. Wow, never heard a woman with a manly lisp before. But Jared was not to be deterred. He'd fuck any woman on the planet, provided they couldn't smell him or hear his stupidity. So we set up a meeting for later that night, only the "woman" (hereby referred to as MANgela) didn't know we were all comming.
By this time we had enlisted a couple other people to come out with us, because, hey, why the fuck not?
So the basics of the deal were simple. Jared would go in, do whatever is MANgela wanted, get paid, and Mike would get %50 for driving him out there (Jared didn't have a license or a car). I came along because Mike owed me money, and I wanted to see him walking with a limp, because I knew what was going to happen.
We all piled into Mikes car and started the drive. It was about an hour away, so to kill time, we had Jared call MANgela up. And all MANgela wanted was for Jared to talk dirty, but he just pussied out "oh yes ma'am... uhhh yeah, that'd be really nice, do ya want the lights on or off? Dimmed, I've never done that" I swear to fucking god, he spent 15 minutes of the drive talking about the difference between dimmed lights and lights off.
Mike and I could clearly see him blowing this, and being 30 minutes away from home, we were not happy with that prospect. So we told him to hang up and call her when we got closer. Shortly after he hung up on MANgela, I called my wife (who was fully aware of the basics of our game) and told her Jared was about to get his colon scrubbed by a tranny. He just sat in the back and laughed, not even trying to defend himself. This behavior would repeat itself later in the evening.
The rest of the car ride was fairly uneventful, aside from all the jokes at Jareds expense. When we were a couple blocks away, Mike and Jared switched seats so Jared could drive in, as MANgela was still unaware of the other 4 people on this journey. This is where things start to get creepy.
As Jared pulled in to MANgelas house, we all hid and listened as a very strange request was made. He was told to park the car with the rear of the vehicle facing the house, front towards the road. We all thought it was weird too. But we also wanted money.
So Jared parked as directed and got out, walking to the door as we all hid and watched as best we could. Once the lights in the car went out we started to relax. But no sooner had we begun to calm down when another surprise happened.
As soon as Jared stepped inside, BAM! Every single light in and around the house went out, like the main breaker was tripped. Needless to say we were a little worried.
10 minutes go by and we all start to wonder whats going on in there.
"What if he's in trouble?"
"He's fine, he knows we're all here, give him a couple more minutes"
And no more than 5 minutes later, out walks Jared. Slowly. With a look of shame on his face. And a slight limp.
He gets in the car, and naturally we all ask what happened.
"Oh uhh uhh she was nervous guys. Said she doesn't normally do this. Maybe if we uhhh just drive around the block for a couple minutes, she'll relax"
Ok, sounds strange, but it would explain the look on his face and why things took so long. So we drove around the block and came back, parking the same as before. The lights had come back on now, so Jared walks up to the porch and we all watch as he bends down and picks up an envelope. No knock on the door, no attempt to talk to MANgela, nothing.
So he walks back to the car, and now there is a shit load of questions, namely, what's in that envelope. He get's in and hands Mike $50, from the envelope, and pucks another $50.
"50/50, like we said right?"
That was possibly the longest moment of silence we've both ever witnessed.
"Dude, how the fuck did you get $100 for NOTHING?"
"I'll tell ya how Mike. They rewrote the definition of nothing to include getting fucked in the butt by a tranny"
We all started laughing and making jokes. And the worst/best part was, he didn't outright deny it. Not even try and deflect it.
So eventually he told us his version. He says he walked inside and it was pitch black, which we all knew was true. Then he said the only light was a single flash light standing upright on a chair in the middle of the room. Ok, weird, but no weirder than some of the other things.
After he shut the door, he said he started to get undressed. Now I don't think I'm alone in thinking that, given all that we know about this situation, I wouldn't be getting undressed.
Anyways he said that he had his pants down, and felt a weird hand on his junk, so he jumped and rushed to pull his pants up and leave.
Now I might believe his story, except for a couple of things. First and foremost is the time. It doesn't take 15 minutes for his story to occur. Second is why he didn't run out of the house in terror. And third and possibly most important, why did he get $100? He supposedly didn't follow through.
Now, I can't say for sure what happened in that house, I wasn't in there. But I do know nobody offers to give money for sex, especially $100+, and still gives the money out for nothing. So I have to assume he got his butt hole opened up by a tranny.
Oh, one last piece of funny. Even though he already shelled out $50 for getting driven into his first anal probe, we convinced him to give us another $30 for gas. And while at the gas station he spent $15 on chips and cigarettes. Dumb ass.
Anyways, that's one of my many stories. If this gets good enough attention, I may tell more (Or I may tell more if you all hate this, I haven't decided yet).